Cat Gotcha Tongue: Is masturbation allowed in your religion?
CrazyMum replied: A mouse trap lay in wait for the squirrels shadow, but flimsiness meant that corks popped in rear compartments, and their tulip addiction grew into a strong love for anorexic chimps
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If you wish to our Church, please send us a photograph of yourself holding a sign with praise to the Crazymum on. Extra points are rewarded for inclusion of spoons, gin, wasps, goats, glue or chinchillas in the photograph.
So send your photograph to crazymum ( at ) gmail (dot) com along with your postal address, and recieve your free sticker pack. |
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Prayers to Crazymum Leo: Hey, I saw your picture on a dating website and wondered if you
wanted to meet up, at least for a shag. CrazyMum replied: Tiny chicanes in the old watermill sent shivers down the spine of a weak Raptor kane: do ya wanna have sex CrazyMum replied: Sly shouting rained down from the parapet of a green gushing caravan kane: danielle luvs me CrazyMum replied: Peters Mum burst into tears Florian: Je voudrais savoir si les martiens ont réellement
introduit G.W.Bush au pouvoir ? CrazyMum replied: A mouse trap lay in wait for the squirrels shadow, but flimsiness meant that corks popped in rear compartments, and their tulip addiction grew into a strong love for anorexic chimps Hitler: Why are you so interested in gin and such? CrazyMum replied: A kiss on the hand may be quite continental - but gin is mine by law! gin@gin.com: gin is good. I drink gin. Crazy Mum rules all. The
chinchilla gave gin to the hamster for breakfast. The
goat is way too talk to drunk. I like spoons because
there is no spoon. Some wasps sniff glue, others eat
it. Amen. CrazyMum replied: Think once, think twice, think glue ! dojkr pnryxe: xypqcaizo mahrwnp lmvg pxok oapnxuly hgvjxo uewfhbnda CrazyMum replied: Little Spanish tykes were trying to remember the time it took for Elvis Presley to shit a brick, and it was obvious to Bob Hoskins that Gillette were never going to make a car to better the Ginger Nut Express fgh: i hate crazy mum CrazyMum replied: Thighs tempted grown men, and shop fronts became littered with the dung of unholy pilgrims dylanr.: dggvvjhfkmnbjkci CrazyMum replied: When the toddler had ceased putting on other mothers loincloths, the ensuing fatness of choir boys made a small farting ripple appear in the eyes of big sheep ely: wat you doing CrazyMum replied: The Miami Sound Machine pumped brittle vomit from their lopsided smiles, and the narrow guineau pig squealed out tales of domino horror ramy: salah CrazyMum replied: If you hear a snivelling baby then please exit through the burning circus rings indicated by myself SEPTIC SID: WHY IS REG A GYPSY
CrazyMum replied: Noddy forced a stinking breeze-block into the eye-socket of a sissy, but noone gave him tuppence or even harvested his asparagus without first checking the hair growth on Bob Marleys spliff trimmer º¼ÖÝǧ½ï¶¥: ʱÉгäÆøǧ½ï¶¥Ê¹Ó÷½Ê½´òÆÆÁ˳£¹æµÄҺѹʽǧ½ï¶¥·³Ëö£¬ÎÒÃÇÊÇÉú²úǧ½ï¶¥µÄÆóÒµ¡£ CrazyMum replied: However his native American friends bought him a stop watch to cheer him up º¼ÖÝǧ½ï¶¥: ʱÉгäÆøǧ½ï¶¥Ê¹Ó÷½Ê½´òÆÆÁ˳£¹æµÄҺѹʽǧ½ï¶¥·³Ëö£¬ÎÒÃÇÊÇÉú²úǧ½ï¶¥µÄÆóÒµ¡£ CrazyMum replied: Baked beans stabbed other baked beans for territorial reasons and the four times table broke his leg and ate pineapple squares for three months chunky the cunker: CHURCH.............
I HATE CHURCH......
.
.
.
.
.
CHURCH SUCKS IT IS THE WORST THING THAT
HAS EVER HAPPEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CrazyMum replied: Planet zog should now be the new home of the Pear under which all consequence will become the seasons, and all plastic macs rubbish bins read this: YOUR MUM CrazyMum replied: Simon Meo hung from a port hole spitting tunic dust into an awaiting shuttlecock Penis: What is the caloric value of semen and how many
weight watchers points do I use? CrazyMum replied: Ninas ear drum had been missing for two days now, and when he saw the influx of reindeer he nearly gave up hope yassine: slt ça va CrazyMum replied: Basil and oregano filtered into fallopians around the world, and a pork chop threw frisbies at his precious nail collection CrazyMum: ur a effing bastard.. haha i called u a guy!!! CrazyMum replied: Reflecting on the book purchased from Luigi Pringles that day, Max flew by first class hovercraft to his retreat up his fathers totem pole ADSSDF: JESUS IS WAY BETTER THAN YOU YOU ARE A
FAKE JESUS IS REAL GO DO YOURSELF YOU
LOSER!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE
JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CrazyMum replied: I am pleased by love ! SsHtOeRpThY: I HATE YOU!!!!!! YOU SUCK!!!!! CrazyMum replied: The sand on the beach wasnt as comfortable as the fried mushrooms in his haversack Melony: Do you believe in Jesus? CrazyMum replied: Simon Meo hung from a port hole spitting tunic dust into an awaiting shuttlecock Melony: I have a boyfriend but why do i have the earge to talk
dirty to other men? CrazyMum replied: Any other method was out of the question, but the blackening underpant fabric was attracting the Bobo flies Morrigan: Will I be able to dive to the glory of the Crazymum or
will my gall bladder burst first? CrazyMum replied: Then four professional dirt diggers went to Sainsburys for a night on the town Stacey: My boobs wont stop growing, there double D and im
only 11 CrazyMum replied: Killer bees are mean. ahsa;: RETARD CrazyMum replied: The ranks of marching toilet traders all queued up for cuddles with a buttery ventriloquist puppet, and their hideously bloated poodles lay in the gutters groaning like tiny bears rady: ug,akfgpalkg joijr ioj poitjg CrazyMum replied: Please return my calls! screamed the mobile-option addict, and with the lawyers virginity be violently sick at the sight of rampaging fathers crazymum: i suckand am ugly and a fat elephant ,man im emo CrazyMum replied: Frightening doves became the regular holiday for the blind miners, and sometimes a fist would be mailed to harvest festivals as a replacement for the missing Jesuits bob: so im just wondering but um why are you an elephant
slah human CrazyMum replied: Doves fused themselves to plastic containers in general as only a sub-contractor with the skills of a meringue cleverly disguised with an iceberg undercarriage could arrange the groundsheet now ?????: is it ok to be gay CrazyMum replied: When the pie was opened, a slavering girl became engorged with pile drivers em: blees you all. i bring peace; i hope you all live great
lives. CrazyMum replied: When the Queen found out about this she said that cats and dogs were to be hung at noon Dave: How are you feeling on this glorious day? CrazyMum replied: Super Beaver will save us. ivona humpaliut: CRAZYMUM IS A FROD!!!! and its bogus CrazyMum replied: Only too frightened to sign their names they built glass hairdryers and chilled olives as suggested by bad Mordor ....: . Because he has crab arms, and an oval body and he
has two ears that are, like, from an animal, I think? Is
that right? Yeah. Probably a dog sticking up its ear,
only its not pointy. CrazyMum replied: Theres nothing realy wrong with Cedricks nan, he just likes attention K: who should I vote for? CrazyMum replied: but there was one frothing young cream soda who wouldnt let him down!! Cry when the going gets tough!! Thats whatta ma mama used to ah say i love JC: you shouldnt make funn of mary or my home boy jesus,
you are just jelous! CrazyMum replied: They all began stacking naked geese on top of the wardrobe, so that Father Mulligan would not notice that his arse was on fire CrazyMum: Your stupid and if you have something funny to say
than Ill come and kick your butt...I AM NOT AFRAID
OF YOU!!!!! CrazyMum replied: Youre a velvet-shaped bastard! Fox: screw you crazymum! it idnt work you dumb wiccan
fable! CrazyMum replied: Cockadoodledoo Fox: Can u make all the girls at school think im hot? CrazyMum replied: Her worst peg-related nightmare stole the show, and a nodding dancer smiled cunningly at a golly wogs cousin yo!!!: are you even real??? CrazyMum replied: The summer of 1934 reminded the pixie Fran of molten lava, wallowing in the midnight musk jhfiuciurvt: if a guy wants to f. me what should i do??? CrazyMum replied: Deep down they are preparing for the time, gleeful in their tasks, eyes shining with happiness, they cannot realise what they are preparing, can they? On the surface we wander with chapped lips, character sapped expressions are all we have to offer a helen: hi CrazyMum replied: Spain became the official trouser press for the sparrows, and Cuthberts untidy stitches were removed from his snail infection Krystal: we will get mice named Gin and Tonic! God bless you
crazymum! :D CrazyMum replied: Do not approach me unless you bare gifts of gin ! KC: Should me and cassie get mice? CrazyMum replied: Gin and Tonic became a sorry state of affairs when brazen beef was found in the bar mans wood work Cass: Is Krystal Crazy? CrazyMum replied: Jasper was in awe at the hustle and bustle but didnt let on that the microphone in his ear was leaking butter Hatter: How can i convert my friends to be followers to your
church? CrazyMum replied: A survey revealed the size of dandruff, with the result that scared bees all became orange peel scavengers, and their whistling attracted the crappy bag ladies by painting SEX on their alarm clocks zorak: what do you think of cutiepie? CrazyMum replied: Hot cakes were selling rather well that day, and the amount of bets being placed on attractive lepers was dwindling as Joseph crippled his five pets CrazyMum: why am i asking myself a qustion CrazyMum replied: Come with me to the zoo. ummmmm.......: ummmm.......... CrazyMum replied: Lets all drink paint! dope: do you want to sex me? CrazyMum replied: Mmm.. sweating cherub taps! killwill: shut up u stupid hairlis monkey CrazyMum replied: ...and you are? K8E: Crazymum where is you Crazychild? you cant be a
mum without your child CrazyMum replied: After all the skating lessons, they think Im Robbin Cousins! ask: sucks yet and must it disturb violently tear up
disturbed with me and itself and everyone it has
requested to be, to dream happily, but terribly the
feeling is his to eat to that to me, killing to me and in
me, wishes that it the sides outside a FBI-agent book
above injure tired tired after interior, heart bleeding as
soon as convicts, the life, to me so hating hating what
it would ask me this? CrazyMum replied: Packed in decorative pocket-size vials! S.Toner: what should i do tonight CrazyMum replied: Shave me stupid… iik: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff CrazyMum replied: Are they your real ears, Miss? christina: tina CrazyMum replied: Zorak, Moltar and I make three! Drifting through space on a piece of brie!! Torister: I love the sacred Crazymum!!!!!!!!!! CrazyMum replied: I am pleased by love ! forget the finlly: your stupid CrazyMum replied: Tasteless? What? Come see my anal polyp! forget finally: do you wanna get laid by wasps CrazyMum replied: Never underestimate the medical potential of wasps ! forget again: i wanna get liad by wasps CrazyMum replied: wasps makes me happy! forget...blah: i know your drunk CrazyMum replied: Think once, think twice, think three times! Maddy: who are you CrazyMum replied: Tasteless? What? Come see my anal polyp! forget the forget the bye: I guese you are drunk CrazyMum replied: Think once, think twice, think three times! forget the bye: are you drunk CrazyMum replied: What a luxuriously furry butt! For the last time bye: ask you what about wasp? CrazyMum replied: Super Beaver will save us. Bye: are you def CrazyMum replied: Why don’t you ask me about wasp? HI: Is there a CrazyDad? CrazyMum replied: We work in compliance with strict guidelines for the control of vermin! allie: how can i get passed scotts girlfreind brittney she
wants to fight me!! CrazyMum replied: Led Zeppelin flavoured heroin! nrjr: your cute
CrazyMum replied: Swimmers are such special people. nrjr: whats a orange kangroo in denmark CrazyMum replied: You aint no space moose! Derrick Bias: should I break up with heather williams CrazyMum replied: Minty lesbian cuffs Danny Boy: What do you know about the number 23 and purple
cheese? CrazyMum replied: I do not believe your cow. Ozzy: why oh why great crazy mum is my housemate 21 yet still addicted to wwf? Is it a form of autisim? CrazyMum replied: I am the lone sparrow of the apocolypse - fear me when you look at the sky! aaa: aaaa CrazyMum replied: I am Mum-ra - I am him! BitchBoy666: Crazymum i love you i wnt to have lots of little crazy
frogs with you and anal rape you, lots of love CrazyMum replied: My teeth are made of love ! Scooter: For each Electric Scooter listed on this site, we offer a way to purchase; just follow the link(s) at the end of the scooters description. Occasioinally, a member of the online electric scooter group offers a scooter for sale.China Gas Scooter catalog and gas scooter manufacturer directory. Trade platform for China gas scooter manufacturers and global gas scooter buyers provided by Made-in-China.com. CrazyMum replied: A giant rat will eat your head. èüì: ìèüòèá CrazyMum replied: Talk to the hand - I mean spoon! beutros: why are you so ugly? CrazyMum replied: Tasteless? What? Come see my anal polyp! dogscock: May the puss of a 1000 oily muzza noses dribble from
your mothers well fucked bullet hole CrazyMum replied: Can you hear a giant cockroach barking in the depths of hell? Woodentoys: Woodentoys Productor. CrazyMum replied: The weenie tries to kill fleas. seans mum is fat: seans mum is fat CrazyMum replied: Packed in decorative pocket-size vials! steve: why west end CrazyMum replied: I am the lone sparrow of the apocolypse - fear me when you look at the sky! ..................................................: alex CrazyMum replied: Fly across the large neck vein why is this so shit: why is this so shit CrazyMum replied: Led Zeppelin flavoured heroin! septic sid: spinning fox hips are good at the moment, you can tell
when they have been done to perfection becuase they
are just coming out of thier last rotation as the waiter
puts them on the table Mmmmmmmm... CrazyMum replied: Sniff my knickers... then wear them! yellow belly: same as CrazyMum replied: A giant rat will eat your head. septic sid: spoon fed wasps will aslways provail.... Goat Mum rules CrazyMum replied: My teeth are made of wasps ! septic sid: ask many unanswered squabler questions and the
sacred god of crazymum rar will forever plunge its
angry fist into the arses of belated fish lipped
guagmerchents hooligans CrazyMum replied: All of your problems can be solved with alcohol! Sammy Sue: I need to get laid.....How can it happen? CrazyMum replied: ...and you are? ¼õËÙ»ú: ÎÒÃÇΪÄúÌṩ¼õËÙ»úϵÁвúÆ·¡£ CrazyMum replied: Stop staring at my groin lump! jackie: but if all problems are solved with alcohol, does that
mean one must drown itself in the tasty treat before
feeling happiness CrazyMum replied: The killer mustve been booty-footed jackie: crazy mum, how many kids do tou have if you call
yourself a mother. please leave pictures of them on the
site CrazyMum replied: All of your problems can be solved with alcohol! pontus: who are you crazymom
? just wondr bechause i love be psyco.
CrazyMum replied: All of lifes worries pale into insignificance, when you have love ! Aerofreek: Why must one take the meat bridge to obstain totally
happiness CrazyMum replied: Is it red jelly? syce: make me good CrazyMum replied: This is not a moose - it comes with fries! tracy: hey plz send me an email LoL
CrazyMum replied: Wee drinker! C Martin: Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I lied
when I was seventeen? CrazyMum replied: Get away from that there beaver. sjakkie: craymum may i stick my humble finger in your place
where the sun does`t shine????please?? CrazyMum replied: Yes, I kermit fear grapes! Pagan Heathen: Warning, this site contains subversive truths, absurd
lies, guerilla philosophy, and severel very naughty
words. Open mind before reading. CrazyMum replied: I will kill your nose today. osama bin laden: Holy Crazy mumma
do thy crack get filled with supercalifragilisticexpealidociously blackcherry flavoured condoms CrazyMum replied: My teeth are made of crack ! Las Ketchup: Dear little ole wine drinker me ... penis be thy fun come be they mum and twat be thy dad CrazyMum replied: I call...beetle flaps! Fanny: Our crazy mutter who fart in lagos
swallowed be thy gin , lipsmacking milk from thine teat
metal on our heads be done for some, who are under thy thumb.
fart ever and ever amen
CrazyMum replied: Im very interested in gin ! osama: Crazymum may u leave to wait for me to bumb you
very soon where ever you will hide CrazyMum replied: I am often asked that! SIMMS: Its fattys game....look fatty you owe us fifty quid and
your car keys........
Have you got any more gin...thats my gin now give it
back..
(the original quotes from MR JOLLY! the film)
With the late Peter Cook ie monster CrazyMum replied: Im very interested in gin ! Reg: Our Crazymum, who art in pain, thank you for my
stickers, they are very SPECIAL. I will endeavour to
stick them in the most righteous of places. CrazyMum replied: Youre a velvet-shaped bastard! Jacques Chirac: How can I influence the French public to vote Yes in
the referendum on the EU constitution? CrazyMum replied: Wee drinker! involunterry wogan: bless you crazy mother. now my wasps obey me.
CrazyMum replied: Do not approach me unless you bare gifts of wasps ! |
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Members of Our Church |
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frazer ranted: Well just as I'd given up on the idea of our Nigerian church expanding any further, here is a photo of a new branch that has sprung up in the Anambra State. Here we see some | |
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frazer ranted: *Alfred Update* This silly mugu just won't get a hint. After sending him on an 18-hour bus journey the other weekend, he's still sending me pictures...  | |
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frazer ranted: *UPDATE #2* - Poor old Alfred. He somehow got the impression that I was flying to Abuja and landing at 4.30am last Saturday (April 1st). He travelled 9 hours on a bus from Lagos to meet me there. Of course when I wasn't there he asked for an explanation. I simply send him a link to here. Now he's written a whining email bitching about everything. Here's some of the highlghts... "you did play me an april fool, how could you have done that to me, that is too much to bear ,if it is April full.you made me suffer for nothing, and i had to be broke now and be in doudt also. that is too much.... i am really speechless at this point. i don,t even know what to say. do , i tell my good friend that i have told that i am going to see you In Abuja that you play an April fool on me, how will he relate that. that is just too much pain to bear , if i must say.i have to go to bed now. i know you have changed your mind on me,but you hurt my lve for you.my bottom is giving me pains now4 sitting for long for the journey to Abuja,that is the (Ass own to my crazymum).hy would you hurt me so bad." Well Alfred - if you're reading this now then I suggest you go check out this definition as well, you ass hat! *UPDATE* - Alfred has now had his ass officially owned by crazymum! Nice picture, dickwad!  This is Alfred from Nigeria. He is the latest member of our church and he loves his Crazymum...  Hopefully more pics from Alfred soon. | |
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frazer ranted: Latest members of the crazymum church. You too can join and gain the type of spiritual enlightenment that only a sticker-pack can bring. | |
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frazer ranted: We have another attempted membership of the church. This one is from a persistent Canadian named Joshua who has sent a series of disturbing images in an attempt to join...
Im not sure how many times I have to explain how easy this is. Take of photograph of yourself holding a sign of dedication to crazymum and email it to crazymum@gmail.com and you will be sent a wonderful crazymum sticker pack like this...  Check out all these other members who have managed to successfully complete this task. But as we encourage randomness at crazymum.com, there will be a sticker pack mailed out to Canadia for Brother Joshua. | | |||||
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frazer ranted: New member of the church is Brother Py from Hove.  He is also a member of the musical ensemble The Moronic Dance Music Association (M.D.M.A), who are giving a recital at the wrong music night (Brightons premier breakcore / gabba night) at the volk's tavern on tuesday september 13th.  | |
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frazer ranted: Latest spoon-wearer... Mr Chuks Chukuwkamor  Unfortunately Mr Chuks application was rejected. Here's what I wrote back to him... "Dear Chuks Im sorry but I have bad news. Whenever we recieve new membership applications, we scrutinize the handwriting and photographs of the person to check for evil. Our Ministers have been trying out new image enhancing software and it has recorded the highest level of evil in a picture they have ever seen. They have shown me the results and I am quite shocked! When you analyse the spectral discombobulation graph there is clearly an image of Satan in your photo. Im not sure if this is because all lawyers are inherently evil or whether you have been making pacts with Belzebub, but this is obviously completely unacceptable. May I recommend that you seek spiritual guidance from a religion that accepts your devilish ways. God help you - and may the Crazy Mother take pity on your soul when you burn in hell. Rev Robert Larp"  Irrefutable evidence of evil, yesterday | |
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frazer ranted: We now have the first services being conducted at our Nigerian Church of Crazymum  A nice touch has been the placing of sacred gin around the alter  This is Pastor Dabiri worshipping at the alter  Here he is recieving breast milk from the holy teat of the Crazy Mother. It's nice to see that he is still wearing his holy coat-hanger on his head when attending church! The church is ever growing - so don't miss out on your chance to JOIN US.. Just keep thinking about the wonderful stickers and membership certificate you will recieve...  | |
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frazer ranted: The good word continues to spread. We have just proudly opened our  This now hugely increases the number of members, and our 30 new children can be seen below. They are all wearing coathangers on their heads as a mark of respect (you can see this more clearly in the larger versions of the images - click them to view).   So remember if you wish to join us, click here for details. | |
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frazer ranted: The church continues to grow! This is Lord Joebot the Butcher. He sent us this picture from one of the moons of Jupiter where he now lives in a Chinese Herbal Medical Centre with a puffin named Dennis.
Your membership has been approved by Reverend Bobby Larp and you will stickered shortly In other church related news, it appears that Mr Onyekachi wishes to withdraw his membership. He sent me a charming email yesterday which said, amongst other things... "AND I GUESS YOU SHALL USE YOUR MOTHER FOR THE SACRIFICES,YOUR CHILDREN SOULS ARE ALREADY DAMNED IN OUR AFRICAN SHRINE AND LET METELL YOU SOMETHING,come to the issue of ritualism,AFRICANS ARE THE BEST AND I PROMISE YOU THAT OTUTUNZU AGULERI SHALL TAKE YOUR LIFE IN TWO WEEKS.BET IT YOU SONOFABITCH YOUR MOTHEZRS CUNTS SHALL BE THE SPECIAL MEAT FOR OUR SACRIFICE TONIGHT... ...FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL" Well I hope that shows how important it is to get better education in Africa. We cant let Nigerian children grow up with spelling and grammar skills as appaling as this. So please give generously at the forthcoming Live8 concert. And Im sorry Mr Onyekachi, but joining the Church of CrazyMum is a lifelong commitment. Oh.. and who the fuck is "OTUTUNZU AGULERI"??? | |
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frazer ranted: Please welcome our newest member to the church - Lord Reginald Alert.  Well done Reg - your office-based gin dispenser has earned you a sticker pack. | |
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frazer ranted: Here we have Brother Onyekachi Mbanefo Patrick who is from the Federal Ministry Of Finance in Nigeria. He is excited about the opportunity to worship our great Crazymum, and judging by his sign he can't wait to be "Drinkin' Gin for Crazymum".
Our next member is Brother Maxwell Obiekuw. He has not only given a wonderful message of support "Praise Great Holy Crazy Mother", but has gone the extra step of balancing a spoon on his head (presumably as a tribute to Crazymums arms which are made of spoons).
If you want to join our church, click here | |
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frazer ranted: Please welcome our very first member of the Church of Crazymum. He is Brother John Ben who is a barrister from Nigeria. He sent us this special message of love which reads "God Help Crazy Mum". Yes - I suppose she needs all the help she can get! John Ben even had a suit specially tailored for this photograph. Welcome to the church, Brother.
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frazer ranted: This is one of our founding Fathers of the Church of Crazymum - His Holyness the Reverend Bobby Larp. His magical hat has trapped inside the spirit of a Danish tree surgeon, and has the power to turn villages into chicken soup. He also has spoons for eyes forged from the recycled metal of an old U-boat that was once piloted by a bonobo. | |
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