| robert: are you sexy? |
| saran: sassss |
| EviL-MonkeY: I have been lying down for over an 2 hours now. Its what do when im in a low. Im stiff, but mostly im cold. Its cold. Cold, here in Mothers house. I come here when im at the bottom of a particulary bad low. Mothers house has broken floors, no doors and windows consist of planks with occasional shafts of light coming through them from below. Then I remember. Its not Mothers house, but a derelict house one very similar. My Mother appears in the my mind area as i have this thought... and my brother is there too for that bit saying God your mother hates you...'. Sometimes I stay there for 2 - 3 days... sometimes. |
| EviL MonkeY: The infection has spread. Soon i will lose my mind. Where i don know. Maybe there. Or there.... or there near that old piece of a Gracia magazine from last year. MMMMmm last year. |
| jo ho blo: well i noe this little girl called annie who has a infection on her nipple causing her to have random nipple stags while looking at slightly retarded chinese people in playboy magazines while sitting on the toilet |
| EviL_MonkeY: MonkeY - I KNOW ITS YOU RUSS-HOLE. DONT MAKE ME EAT SOME NAILS AND SHIT A 1 TO 30 SCALE REPLICA MODEL OF THE SIEGE OF BRUNNEL. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! |
| name: umm...i shit my pans |
| lox: somebody gotta b stret n sane in dis joint Where the ladies~ |
| loxy: 07859897504 gals who need cock |
| lox: single girls uk bucks.herts.beds call 07859897504 |
| moi: its laid you thick fuck |
| EviL_MonkeY: WHERE ARE MY HINGES YOU FUCK FLAPS! |
| slowpoke: sexi sara how old r u cause i want to give you my bone baby o ya |
| Static of Krapsody: My problem is my arse, it is constantly spewing shite all over the place! Whats an ex lax junkie to fookin do?! |
| Soppy Bollocks: What kind of Peas did you want? |
| duder: yeahhh, we fucking stole that goat dancing game and won pay for it! fuck yessss! We fucking steal and do what we wanna. Fuck yeassss! Our site suck balls and looks like it is from 1995, but fuck you! we do what we wanna! |
| tasha: i love being layed |
| AlexXx: emily loves sebastian |
| Emily: ALEXXX UR A WHORE!!!! |
| AlexXx: Jesus is SO real. He haunts me in my dreams and I wake up to his intoxicating smell of musk and holy water. |
| monkey a: monkeys monkeys bananas herpes! |
| Pookie Bear Vazquez: Jesus Is NOT REAL. |
| nehh queen of ze vinyl.: I WANT TO HAVE FUN WITH ROBERT SMITH... but hes old and creepy ]: sad huh? yeah. well it happens. |
| mr jim jones: i don have a girlfriend and its hours before i can go out to get a drink and a smoke. so uh halp |
| ..: y do all these ppl rite crap like this, these rnt problems u fags |
| Nobody: .. Does this site have a point? Do any of these rants? Im reading a lot of dumb nonsense. |
| dale: bum rape |
| darcy: ive never had a boyfriend |
| jake: girls open my msn can you see big dick delikanizmirli@hotmail.co m |
| jake: ?m look for a girl . love from to t¸rkey thanks girls write me to be satisfy |
| steven: if you want to call me at 309 245 2258 but do not tell anyone what your calling me for just ask for steven ok |
| steven: i had sex with my sister when we where growing up and i also done my niece |
| SEPTIC SID: SPONGE BELLIED DWARF |
| verfunica: crazy mum is pretty fuckin cool. we should like, go smoke some pot sometime. |
| Aaron: hey everybody |
| IndustrialWaste: ive never felt so fresh... |
| EviL-MonkeY: Someone is trying to steal my name. I WILL come round you lair and move all the spoons into the knife draw if you persist. |
| Pastor Town Selles: Calvary greetings to you and your expanding membership. |
| mike: email me please mdwright48@yahoo.com i am the one with the cock problem, and the one that is cumming to orlando, may 7th and need a guy friend to go to a nude beach or something to go around nude to. ,mikey |
| mike: no problem just the one i sent the first time, anyone from orlando, coming may 7th and want to go to a nude beach and need someone to do with me, first time there, ,,thanks email me please |
| mike: my cock will not stay hard, goes up then down and stays down, help,,, |
| alex: hmm i want to cheat and i have. you are a retarded lesbian and i think im going to be sick all over your favourite mmushroom toadstall, better get a peice of cloth to clean the crazy ass yellow gunk off it. |
| EviL-MonkeY: Jeremy Paxman can create concrete with his wrists. |
| Assheton: Its hard to be a garbage man when a sailors stole my glove : ( and my urine is an odd bluish color. I think I need to be saved. |
| Ashley!: YOU FUCKING NOB STAINS! IM GONNA RIP YOUR FALLOPIAN TUBE OUT OF YOUR PENIS AND DRINK A LITER OF PETROL THROUGH IT, THROW IT UP IN YOUR MUMS VAGINA AND SET IT ON FIRE. |
| sEPTIC sID: @WAERCOOLED PUSSY CLAT |
| Septic Jemima: HURD |
| Septic Jemima: miners glove in a basket, sheperds foot baked in real ale, mushy peas on a stick, meat pie in a bottle |
| Septic Sid: CURTAINS FOR YOU little tiny midget bot I WILL HOSE YOU DOWN WITH AN ALLMIGHTY JET OF HOT PISS.................if you want me too |
| Septic Sid: Ill open its arse with a piece of a badgers bottom jaw you fill it with apples and horse spunk then we can kick it round the feild for an hour |
| Sepic Sid: ill cut that FUCKERS nose clean of with bathing spoon |
| SEPTIC SID: Your idiot of cock swinging gypsy girlfreind of yours is getting her grundgy arse invaded by Iraqi deserters |
| Todd Tukalo: i forgot to call my girl friend iona and now she isnt talking to me but i really love her so if she sees this i am sorry babe |
| sar\ona: no games |
| gragh: '21 & still sexy: Hey im a single woman!!! who wants me?' nobody does ahaha thats why you e asking in desperate hope on the net! |
| seeya: fuck all yall |
| meep: spam me |
| EviL MonkeY: i just put a spoon in the knife draw so fuck all of you. |
| Assheton: I can stop humping my sofa. |
| enya: dis is sooooooooo fuckin shit |
| 21 & still sexy: Hey im a single woman!!! who wants me? |
| Rae-Rae: that bill again dude, hes like the 40 year old virgin, exept he can do it, Hey I thought that old people couldn have sex because they aren sexy anymore.(Ha Ha Ha Ha) |
| Rae-Rae: Billl Again, has some issues, If he had some problems in bed why wouldn he just admit it. |
| kiss my ass: None of your fucking buisness |
| paolo: i can find a gabba club in l.a. i need to dence that music .... i need it ....... |
| billl again: Physically fit and trim (6, 178 lbs) at age 40, seven years into marriage, I began noticing difficulty maintaining an erection. In the middle of sex, my hard-on would wane away. I soon found myself avoiding sex; performance anxiety only made matters worse, bringing new meaning to the words 'soft-on.' I could not believe this was happening to me. My interest in sex was as it always had been -- on my mind frequently. For me, the inability to maintain a good hard-on during sex was accompanied by a huge sense of loss, disappointment and embarrassment. I made an appointment to see a urologist. After discussing the matter with me, my doc gave me two trial packs of Viagra and a script, saying I should try out the meds and see if they work before I fill the script. That night, I couldn wait to take the blue pill, a 100mg dose. I took it on an empty stomach with a full glass of water and waited 30 minutes before having dinner. After about 45 minutes, my nose began to get quite stuffy and my face was slightly flushed. About an hour or so after taking Viagra, my wife and I went behind closed doors for a little adventure -- not knowing what the results may be. I stripped down and got in bed while she went through her nighttime ritual getting ready for bed. Once she emerged from the dressing room, the sight of her incredible, naked body started to get me going. I could begin to feel my dick getting hard, really hard. We got after it for awhile, and all I can say is that my confidence and hard-on were unflappable. Its no exaggeration to say that we fucked non-stop for almost an hour and my dick was as hard as ever. I felt 18 again. We tried Viagra again and again that week, with great results every time, and I cannot tell you how much fun we had. The 100mg dose is too much for me. I split the tablet in thirds and found that about 33mgs works best for me. Sometimes I get a slight headache, stuffy nose, and flushed face, but the short-lived, mild side effects are well worth an incredibly good fuck. And to top it off, my insurance pays for this medication (although theyll only allow 10 tablets a month... those prudes). - Grant, Age 42, Texas |
| septic sid: miners glove in a basket |
| septic sid: sheperds foot baked in real ale |
| septic sid: mushy peas on a stick |
| septic sid: meat pie in a bottle |
| duck billed BILL: Eat my sticky dogs arse homo fucking gay hatin pool playing oik sniffing ardvark fucker |
| septic sid: malasyian spoon fed chollop waffler |
| SEPTIC SID: Shes been caught thieving cider from the local Spar again fucking vodka swill ing grimshag |
| septic sid: she also likes African tribesman to roll huge dried turds down her spine with their scaley feet, god praise CRAZYMUM |
| SEPTIC SID: Oh YEA she also likes the inside of her arse grated with a rock hard tramps sock, ill hurt the 8 toed gut rucker |
| septic sid: Your mother like to have oily gravel packed into her deshrevled ringpiece, until she is totally graveled up, STUPID INDIAN COCK SUCKING MIDGET FUCKER |
| me: Would you fuck me? |
| lee p. miles: im a greedy irish slave owner, im cheap,i make guinea waps work for free,i lee miles lie,cheat,andsteal,essp [ecially extra state funding money,with con man zyban eddie ,we are legal crooks at large, and have the almightie power to ruin innocent peoples lives ,meg |
| sarah arah: not enugh games |
| turb: i like pies |
| melissa: my pussy is rancid and grossly fat...it looks like a old catchers mit....i like smelling my fingers after i masterbate then lick them clean |
| Phebe: what is this web called? |
| nunu: i hav a valentine...a very aggresive valentine.....damn. |
| nunu: i have no valentine...boohoo!!!!!!! |
| GEO: ther is so much corsing and i dont hAVE TO GO AND FUCK MY SELF YOU DO!!!!!!!!!!! |
| claudia: life sucks |
| hannah: i am a drug smokin dealer |
| nunu: im bored............... |
| nunu: im hot! nd concieted a bitch!!!!!!!! |
| hustla: peach! |
| why tell you my fucking name.: if you dont believe that i like chicken............................. .......................................... .......................................... .......................................... .......................................... ......GO FUCK YO SELF. |
| why tell you my fucking name: no really, I LIKE CHICKEN. |
| why tell you my fucking name: i like chicken. |
| nicola brindle: i am a little fat dumplings and ever1 is calling me but the weight wont go down pls help and i also have really short hair which ppl say it bad but i like it !!!!!!! |
| laurie graham: i am constapated n cant poo. I av tried everyfink but it dunt work at all!! plz can u suggest me sum medicine 4 my problem? its gettin out of hand!!! |
| ??????? from parkys in chorley in yr 8 in 2005: i am a lezbo but i dont wanna tell any1 wot shall i do? i am writin in ere coz non of mi m8z no bowt dis webby. Help me mom. Plus i shagged a gal from mi scoo lst wk and if she tells any1 den i gonna b in real shit then!!! plzplzplz help me i dont wann tell ma mum or nowt coz shell go mental!!! |
| ???????: and she looks like an elephant like wat the hell??? |
| ?????: my problem is crazy mom she sucks dick |
| sean: Im gonna spank all you noobs and turn u into nub sauce thats right ill make u finish my soup |
| EviL_MonkeY: Crack is for life not just for christmas. |
| emma: My house just burnt dwn nd i had to carry my baby sister out my back window nd onto our roof nd jump 12 feet to the ground i have no house i own nothing..thats my fuckin problem.. |
| asdasd: fuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuck |
| wjb: Im crap at everything so do u think i should become a porn star |
| Mel: look, its not that I don like ur site or anything..infact I think its pretty cool i liked the pissing on otter game very much.....but is the reason why you made this site because you hate your mum? Im just wondering. thnx |
| lawrence: Peanut butta jelly time, Peanut butta jelly time.expose their screams of horror and terror, starve ther bodies and their children. close the gates lock the doors shut off the lights. praise the lord almighty. raise the flag, march through the streets arms held high, as we all say ..........'Hail Hitler'. haha, It my Piss, Visit fat-pie.com Salad fingers baby. 10 different types of soup. salvatating rectum warts and sting rays pound the boats. bye for now every one. |
| Calvin H.: I went for a late night swim and went in naked i felt like masturbating so i figured ,why not i also realized a suction vent in the bottom of the pool, i went down to it and felt tha my asshole was beaing pleasured by it=, i went to far down and it grabbed a hold of my has, it was sucking diaria and shit out of my ass hole, next thing i no after that, it started pulling my intestines out i wwas in unbelievable pain it was bleeding so badly and ther was shit, blood, and cum every where, i struggled to the top but drwoned, my friend found me nd got me to the hospital, i was released about a weeks ago, believe me it CAN happen to you |
| Kaitlyn: i have viginal discharge and that means it gets really sticky when i try to masturbate. I need someone to help fuck me with a dildo or something. I like it rough and hard. |
| picto: after the creation of the legendary chewbungle, nothing could possibly match that achievment so you should stop now and simply have a shrine to chewbungle |
| fvffffdddfffdddffdgfgfddfgdddg: ddfgffjudhdyuhhasgssgys gshgddhsgshgshsdgdhgd gshgshdsgdhsgdgsshdsd gdghdgdhgddgdhdhdhds |
| david: i have no foreskin all the girls call me jew plus my penis is very small all the girls call me worm |
| Billy: Is it true that ice cream has no bones? |
| Numfar: This is so full of crazy. I ask you, why? Any particular reason you enjoy doing this? Whats your motivation for being a semi-permeable membrane within the confines of a goats gullbladder. How many teeth can be snapped off before one sprains their wrists. Can you can to ten backwards while juggling ten elephant on a unicycle with a small rodeo clown tapping your ass with an AK-47? The inquiring mind wants to know. |
| tommy: tommy |
| tanner: anyone added me? |
| tanner: I love to suck cok and show people mine! add my msn, x0x- hockey_dude_2728- x0x@hotmail.com! |
| me: this site is gay and boring |
| Fox: why? |
| will j br: i want to fuck anythin dat walks |
| wjb: im shit at everything so im becoming a porn star |
| Shelle: My problem is that your site is boring as hell and if you have a problem with me saying thios then you can contact me at this email address ( taebaby_42@yahoo.com) Hollaaaaaaa! Bitch |
| Anna: im bored |
| Bite my: penis |
| manda: ur all stupid |
| krista: your site is stupid theres nothing to do nobody wants i just look at dumb pictures heres some advice change yotr gay site |
| Vanessa: Nobody likes me because im ugly. |
| dick tasty: me too |
| g: i love u |
| dick tasty: im a tasty dick |
| Tiffany Fackler: My promble is my b/f thinks that im a goodey to shoes and im not im just a person that likes to hang out with my friends and do stupid stuff. |
| Animal Mother: I am a young republican and i am offended by youe use of titties. i love titties on elephant turkeys! |
| b: have sex with me i have a big cock |
| nim: myfriend has sex to much |
| kp: sex |
| Molly: my problem is i like this boy and my friend tolled him and now i am very embarrased |
| josh: my problem is everything and everyone suck! |
| hayley: I LOVE A BOY |
| sexy: who the fuck said andy pye had a small cock he fills my juicy pussy thanks what you jealous |
| tu tu: fffffffffffdff |
| brooke: the worlds coolest site is www.meatspin.com |
| brooke: i wanna kill a few people but most of all i wanna go out with J.M |
| DDDDDECD: MY MOMMY WONT LET ME HAVE A CAT. |
| Liana: where they heck did my friend find this.......its its.......so ......................ggggggooooooooollllllllll |
| Wolfie: I do not understand how i most sign in... |
| KILLER: why don u shut ur fucking faces u uncil fuckers be4 i beat u with a jack hammer and get my 11chain saw at ur heads and kill uz |
| Hottie: you ppl are crazy i ahve no clue how i got here any way bub buy |
| hannah: none of ur fuckin business |
| dododo: whats this website abouttt? |
| Casey: Does Travis Re like me as a girlfriend? |
| wozzle: hus dina ill suz u im beautiful |
| DODO!: theres no nudity here! |
| .........: ............ FTW |
| downey: yo wtf is this ne1 who cares 2 explain istant message me on aim at downeycdt58 |
| bubblegum2882882: fuck this game |
| emo: what the heck is this church? |
| gay boy: hi all u gay gays my name is lewis i love 10inch cock if you want to talk add me its lewis- rocks-@hotmail.co.uk i love cock |
| punk4evah: oups.. my bad ** fast |
| punk4evah: ok like now uve gone to fair... this is disguting!! y would anyone want to worship such a nasty piece of shit! gross u need sum mental help... and fats!! o.O |
| punk4evah: ur picture are so nasty... yuk... lol anyways i actually like da site... not much abuse here...lol bye!! ^.^ |
| cat: boy that likes me |
| beachgal: boys |
| do you guys even answer these fucking abuse thing: this website...add me sexxy_devil_947@hotm ail.com |
| ashley: my dad beats me and my mom just left last year |
| lewis: the thing is i dont know if i am gay because it is hard to tell i have dreams of men and i like the dreams do you think i am a gay or not |
| I need a slut fast: I need a slut to suck my cok |
| carrie and ur mum: all my friends live in town and i live in the country and they never come to see me it sucks and my mom wont take me into town or to their house it really sucks so what the fuck your problem these days |
| Someone: I don know how to kiss someone tell me how |
| Dumb ass website: My problem is this dumbass wanna-be somthingawfull website stupid |
| meghan: absoultly nothing is my problem,, actually my probelm is trying to figure out what this website is about |
| Horny: Im horny for titties |
| IM ready TO Ignite!!!!!!!!: Hello!!! i got out of skool early and my boyfriend wont come over! i want some one to be with! |
| billie_joes_slut_punk!: I WANT BILLIE JOE! |
| anon: my problem is that i can believe people worship this website it sucks and every one who comes on here to laugh about it is a dodo suckers! |
| Ya MaMmA: WELL EVERYONE ON ERE SUKZ COK INIT !! SO FUK A HORSE ND GET SOME REAL COAC YA SILLY SET OV FUCKIN ARSE DIGIN CUNTZ !! |
| show me tits show me tits: isaackinnunen@hotmail. com is my email add me and show me plweeeeez |
| isaackinnunen@hotmail.com: comon i want to see tities |
| isaac: i want to see some tits add me to msn if u have cam |
| Cunt Hunt: we are all just the imagination of the crazy frog |
| Moggz: I lost my virginity to a pair of rollerskates. |
| Acidic Fallis: Your mother has warts in her anal canal without a C that would mean I said anal twice so you can go fuck a goats penis you shit-fucking dick crackers. |
| miltos: no godz # no masterz |
| EviL_MonkeY: Salt is just unwanted sugar. |
| Your MUMA: why does your cunt of a mother screeeech like a fucking wounded dingbat during sex |
| EviL_MonkeY: Last night i chased an inverse pencil through field of depression where by it slipped on the floor of misery and become charcol. Placing the charcol gently under my chin i tried to scream. Nothing came out, it was as if some one had ripped out my voice cords and replaced them with and Austing Alegros vynil dashboard. Realising the horror.....i killed myself with the pencil. |
| EviL_MonkeY: F E A R F E A R F E A R F E A R F E A R F E A R F E A R F E A R |
| Andrew Evans: DID I MENTION THAT I HATE FUCKING AMERICANS..FAT BASTARDS!. COUNTRY IS FULL OF PRICKS!. ARRGGHHH COME ON RING ME....I WANT A FUCKING FIGHT 07944723429 |
| Andrew Evans: Anybody wants a fucking fight ring this number 07944723429 I live in the fucking UK. Better than fucking the shit hole you yanky fuckers live in....our country stinks!. Fucking burger munchers FAT FOCKS!...and if ya gotta problem come and see me at www.ufockuk.com |
| rupert: Which is the finest of the supermarket gins? |
| Jane: Chuck Norris owns you all. :| Word, bitches! |
| gumeye: Ill FUCK that cunt! |
| doghead: The bastards got a fucking great bogey ball living off its cuntin back whilst her arse is sliding with shit to every crippled step! |
| ”?œ: —?’ |
| EviL_MonkeY: I DEMAND that CHRISTOPHER BRIIITTTTIIN decease his mouse stabbing antics. He is clogging up the nibs of the pens. And his eats SPACE RAIDERS. |
| MUM RAR DELIVERANCE: Your mother likes GREASY Indian gutter boys to thumb dog biscuits up yer bludgened ring piece FACT IDIOT |
| Your mums favourite party trick is to spin on her: GOATS WITH NO ARSE HOLES ARE FUCKING USELESS |
| SEPTIC SID: I LIKE TO ROLL TURDS UP YOUR MOTHERS BACK WITH MY SIZE 9 INSTEPS, THEN KICK HER STUPID TITS ROUND HER NECK, SHE QUITE LIKES IT TO |
| flying FIST of JUDA: FIST FIST FIST STICK ONE UP YOUR BLOATED MOTHER IDIOT FUCKER |
| my name is: goats with out arse holes, you cant fuck em |
| Miget protection league (MPL): Hey migets are people too. |
| dj biggi: i was joking by the way r der any fit birds out der |
| dj biggi: all of u r going to die a horrible and painful death unless u all come 2 my rave |
| Satan: Welcome to hell suckers. |
| Fuck my massive sticky dogs arse with a small indi: Midgets I hate fucking Midgets I will quite happily batter midgets all fucking day long, like nothing more than to lift a fucking midget clean off the floor with a massive upper cut BASTARDS |
| waspsforteeth: I have just murdered my feet. |
| emporor hirohito: i eat dog meat |
| Grand Master Meio: I demand Chin Twig now or else my flying battleship will destroy your febble girly planet. |
| NOUF Buissness: This shit is fuckin wacked out like dude yinz r fuck retards if u read this ur fuckin FAGGiTS this site blows balls like yinz do faggit fucks |
| Grand Master Meio: Strider Hiryu, he will never leave Eurasia alive. |
| gig: sux me beutiful |
| gigi: im waiting a porn star |
| gigi: call me on 1800 sex me fuck me right now |
| gigi: !@#%$#%*%^(&*)(&) (&&#$%&#$%^&&(% ^&%^%^*^*(% ^@^*$^**#%*&(*& |
| fucker dude: wtf ur site is sooooooo wired wat the fuck were u fuckin thinking @#$@$%^^*%@&(#% $)@%^(%@#@&%@% @*%@ @(*&%@(*&% ^@(% #*&^#^#&^@*&% ^*&@^@(%^&(%@*% |
| Elisa: About? |
| hit me baby: what da hell your site is wakk.....totally weird....it needs more porn links |
| pissedOFshit: What the hell is this??? |
| hahahahahahahaha: hahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahhahahahaha |
| moose: y does eveyone smell like shit? and why am i a friggin idiot? |
| Mrs Callea: my problem is why the hell is Anthony Callea not on this website???? this needs 2 be fixed, pronto @#$%^&* |
| Melissa: i have issues |
| Yaks Blood: My balls itch like helll... Oh wait...wait... Ok. Now they don , nevermind. |
| Shirl: DJ Souleh Rawks |
| z: zxzxzxzxz |
| m: go and fuck next doors dog. |
| fred farrar: this is funny stupid picture |
| simms: World renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps is walking down the High Street one day when he spots an advert in his local record shop for 'Wasp sounds from around the Globe'. On further enquiry he discovers that a vinyl recording of this subject has just been released and a few copies are available in store there and then. Naturally, being a World renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps he is curious and asks the young chap behind the counter if he can have a listen to 'Wasp sounds from around the Globe'. A few seconds later the World renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps is standing at one of those little sound stations with his headphones on and a puzzled expression on his face. He removes the headphones, walks back to the counter and catches the young sales persons attention. 'Excuse me' he says, 'Im A World renowned expert in th e sounds of European Wasps and Ive just been listening to 'Wasp sounds from around the Globe', and I must say, there appears to be some mistake. Those are no Wasp sounds with which I am familiar'. The young man dutifully checks the recording in question and assures the World renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps that he is indeed listening to 'Wasp sounds from around the Globe'. Puzzled, the World renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps returns to the headphones and once again begins to listen. After a few seconds he once again returns to the counter and accosts the young fellow there. 'Excuse me' he says, 'As I mentioned before, I am a World renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps and Ive just been listening to 'Wasp sounds from around the Globe' and I have to say again, those are no Wasp sounds with which I am familiar. Are you certain I have been listening to the correct recording?' Slightly exasperated by now, the young man checks the disc currently playing and with a slightly sheepish grin confesses: 'Oops, sorry sir, I seem to have played you the Bee side' |
| cRaZy New testicles: Brudder read my new bok it caled new testicles it following the book of the old testicles. |
| Church of the crazy Judas: I HEAR YOU ARE MAKING DONATIONS WHERE DO I FILL IN A FORM PLZ I BEG YOU PLEASE BRUDDER I BEG YOU TO CURE MY AIDS |
| Chruch of the crazy father: I am so excited I won the lotto I am open me a crazy father website we can be sisters ...brothers. Praise to the Crazy mother may her gin smelling twat odour the dark continent for years to come |
| fred farrar: i like funny mush!!! |
| EviL_MonkeY: I have hairy knees skin |
| paz: I like the pic of the new nigeria church, can we get more of it . kudos to ur site |
| Kez@: hi wot is this web site ????????????????? |
| playboybunny: I have a bomb inside of all of ur houses bitch!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| playboybunny: This thing is absolutely gay and i am gonna kill all of u |
| andrew: WING - HIGHWAY TO HELL here cover of the ACDC classic .. no shit .. listen to it in teh Cheese on Toast Top Ten this week! www.cheeseontoast.co.nz righto |
| sexi sarah whants a bone: hey all u guys with a huge cock cum get me |
| becky major: I have a BIG RINO ARSE and it gets trapped in the toilet |
| kelly: ma problem is everytime i see a gud looking lad i cum in ma big nickers. |
| Lose Faced Arse Named Tom: Help me, oh holy crazy mum, for i hath sinned. the thing is, i attempted to assrape luke and steve simultaneously, as i think they are both extremely sexual, in fact i masturbate over them seventeen times a day. however, as i am such an inferior weakling, i fell off. im well upset now, i think ill go cry. |
| Chris: Top site, truly fantastic disregard for kittens.....i love it ( in a funny way, not in a im off to go and beat up kittens now way....that would be wrong....i think.) |
| Jackson: I touched a small boys penis once. I told him it was natural an not to tell his crazy mum. Im doomed! |
| gabriel: my gay poohole needs punishing but both my hands were broken by queerbashers and I don know what to do! |
| crazymum admin: dear Snoopy G-Unit Dawg Person. Your link was very boring. Hasnt everyone on the internet seen that like 3 times already? Be a little more creative next time... |
| Snoppy Diggily Digdug Dog Wazzupple D-G-Whut Dawg: HAHAHA Looks like teh HELO FAGOT site was too much for you, bitchass! You couldn hang, you couldn handle the extreme shiznat. PUSSIES! |
| mr kris: no probs off 2 bum mi mrs t bits tidy |
| gay: wots dis pubfite.com pic about iz it supposed to be funnni...my bro looked like wen he was born. (my mum didnt want him so tried to push him back in. reultin in him avin a nose pushed half wayup is head). |
| henry 3rd: kids my arse the masked one you fukin wanker. suck your mums fanny! you cock head! |
| bobby: this site is shit...fukin shit. u all need to get a life...seriously! get a hobby. Drawing is good so u dont av to leave your house. Coz im sure u dont like the sun or outside in general. cheers. contact me. |
| John Gianni: I love to watch Dina pee on me! |
| dazza: norks |
| fds: The Chodskis fucking rule |
| kaz: your a google whack well done |
| lisa: strings on who wants to be a millionaire? :s dnt get it |
| Dazza: I was just wondering if there was ne one who actually owned this site? does it ever change? ive been visiting for some weeks now and have seen nothing different. there must be someone out there in web land to post those lil links and make the background but at the moment the only thing thats changing is the shite that im talking about up here! pls pls contact, dmachen@student.strode -college.ac.uk |
| me: blah,blah,blah |
| dazza: more porn! |
| dazza: cant you put up sum porn i can acses? the fucking filters at this college are stopping me seeing the wide range of flange on thew eb and its making my ball swell up like melons,pleases help,dont metion sex in it just wink wink nudge nudge! |
| Reg: Phil Simms smells like wet farts, FACT. |
| josef stalin: its time for the uprising kiddies |
| sickboy: LITTLE FAT SLAGS |
| wanker: i wish you would put more dog porn on your site, i love women and dogs gettin it on, hot and kinky all day and night |
| someone else: dancing in the disco bumper to bumper, wait a minute wheres me jumper? |
| smelly: smellyness |
| a joke: One time the number 5 walked into a bar, but before he could order a drink, the bartender said 'We dont serve your kind in here.' Dejected, the number 5 left the bar but having a stroke of inspiration he mussed his hair up, tied himself in a knot then walked back inside and confidently ordered the most expensive cocktail they had. The bartender eyed him suspiciously and asked 'Hey... Arent you that troublemaking number 5 I just kicked out of here?' to which the number 5 replied 'No, Im a frayed knot.' The bartender looked unimpressed and said to the number 5 'Well, we dont serve your kind in here either. Im sure youre a nice guy, but whenever you get a few of you in here drinking and whooping it up theres always trouble. Its just easier this way.' The number 5 began the long walk home. He thought about how despite the gains weve made as a society theres always going to be a few closed minds out there. It was the worst day of his life. |
| a bloke: monkeys smell and so do you |
| gerondin: My parrot centrifuge is at full tilt and I still cant get a hard on. More plastic if you please. |
| harry: www.shac.net |
| cad: what shall we do with father, mother? roll him like a ticket and poke him in a hole.....? |
| Blunderboy: my penis is to large and the dafodils are massing for another charge!oh nooooo arghhH!! |
| billy: i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs i have crabs |
| Richie Rich: drink my cum, make you stron, if you bone me ill fuck you long. take me up the ass!!! HUZZAH!!! whore for the gays!! |
| george bush: im a cunt |
| JESSIQUA: I LOVE YOUR MOTHER IN THE BUTT EVERY NIGHT! THANKS FOR THIS JOY |
| darklord: whats for dinner mother? ...shadows and lies? |
| Dipankar: I got hurt by my friends sayings |
| frazer: Make a balloon face cant you see La de da dee da dee dee Make a balloon face you and me La de da dee da dee dee Were under water cant you see La de da dee da dee dee Were under water you and me La de da dee da dee dee Were going to paddle cant you see La de da dee da dee dee Were going to paddle you and me La de da dee da dee dee Were going to float cant you see La de da dee da dee dee Like a boat you and me La de da dee da dee dee Were going to swim cant you see La de da dee da dee dee Were going to swim you and me La de da dee da dee dee |
| deadboy: i get turned on by dead peoples genitalia, its me that roams the graveyards at night,thats just me lookin for a tasty bite. c ya bastards in hell xxx i luv ya all |
| steve: you must have a big arse then plop |
| tina: wait... i have no feet |
| Tina: My feet itch |
| plop: steve, ive shit bigger twats than you. |
| steve: is there anyone there??? |
| steve: hello mum |
| steve: i repeat, bollocks |
| steve: bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocksbollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocksbollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocksbollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks |
| moesha: www.pikeygold.com? i repeat www.pikeygold.com? |
| peg: i have a tiny little fucking dick my brother is ten tears older and has one a million times bigger! |
| gozer: ...argh! i have just eaten my hand, smell this, have no shit left apart from little clarts, eat this! |
| karlos: frazer u hard man to find. Gone crazy perhaps shit man havent seen u in 10 years how do i contact? Remember uk tizwaz , and bee sting? |
| www.DragonDrop.org: Hay - your site is very bright. Its doing my head in a bit. Look - Im not very good at this insulting thing. Perhaps I should just leave.. wheres my coat?... nice site.. oops sorry. |
| Phil Bunrt-Tits: Shit off you fucking slag!Feel the wrath of my chegwin against you!! |
| crazymum admin: dear god - is this the level the abuse page has stooped to? GOZER - where are you? save us with your randomness! im tired of cheap nob gags! i must go eat scissors now... |
| Graham Slaghole: Yeah! Much to all of your chegwins, you will wake up tomorrow to find your dads, dead in bed because of the dirty AIDS! |
| Clifford Scrot Rot: Your mum! Much to your collective chegwins, you all such ass more than a hoover especially designed for sucking at ones ass! |
| ellrio: do people pay to do this ? i wonder, because people pay me to read it. well not exactly, but thats what i do and theyre paying me. cock, bitch, ass. woooo, feelin better. |
| mike hunt: i have a huge dick |
| X: HE HE HE HE HE HE! I WILL SHOW YOU SUFFERING! YOU WILL PAY ... |
| X: I WANT TO STAB YOUR PUPILS WITH A PIN AND DROP BATTERY ACID INTO THE CUTS! |
| Paul Freddison: Your mum is a stupid whore who sucks dead monkey cock!!!!!! no just joking! she sucks my cock!!!! |
| gozer: shut the fuck up you miserable twat! |
| Just call me LoriE: whats the point? when i was little i told myself i would become someone and i did ... im a musician in a band.. now i realize that there was no point to it because you practically wasted your life workinf your ass off and when you die your forgotten in a few years... whats the point of living and becoming when you just die alone and unknown? should i quit my job of making people happy? sould i keep on at it while im this far already? im confused. i have no belief what so ever so that kinda lowers my expectations... lifes a sorry bag of shitty waste! |
| dead bummer fireman: im dead already due to your homo drug antics and your blatant inability to swim, lame ass tv is your true crime |
| Micheal Barrymore: I want to smash you skulls in with a hammer until your brains are mushy |
| wanting sum: i need sum good stuff |
| cunt licker: u lot r all sad bassards |
| Shlong Bay: EAT MY DONG YOU BASTARD FAGOT ASS BICTH LICKING ASSHOLE. YOU BLOW CHUNKS ON A NUNS ASSHOLE BECAUSE YOUR MOM SUCKED MY DICK. BITCH |
| bern: lifeisgood. |
| AMIN: U SON OF BITCHES |
| chester: best around the house thing is a cat |
| child: what is the best'around the house'thing to masterbate with? |
| shit: spoty bell end |
| gozer: SHIT OFF! |
| gozer: run to the whores you cocksuckers!!! put your knickers on and make me a cup of tea, you bitch! |
| caz: I am INACNT!! (these are the types of number plates you see if you live in a country town - east bumble fuck...) |
| bob: i like to swing with junkies wats wrong with needles they taste good |
| james: i like noodles because they rhyme with doodles |
| james: fucking smoking junkies go eat needles |
| motnitroat: I have no motnitroats and I need to motnitroat. |
| (*)fLiRtStAr(*): Ill b sober 2moro, but ull b ugly 4 the rest of ur lyfe!! |
| ryan: fishy fannys |
| gozer: amber has rough nipples like sand in jelly |
| amber: hey everyone am i awesome or what?? lol |
| Bezza: They are nothing but a bunch of buggerfucktwats |
| GOZER RULES: ok everybody, do i rule or what? |
| wyatt: I like it. ok good job |
| Gary garrry: Costiglianimous is definitely not pretty, there is a picture of Lenny Bennet stuck on face, Gozer shall rule as I..er..he rules and stuff. |
| Costiglianimous the one legged monkey knife fighte: when i, Costiglianimous the one legged monkey knife fighter extrodinaire, come out of retirement, it wont be pretty. |
| gozer: I am Gozer and I fucking rule. And you an bloody keep your cakes! |
| chunderbug: Everyone knows its coz Mr kipling makes Exceedingly good cakes |
| Rhiannon: man, why arnt there any emails to contact the owner of this site?:D i was on the train today and saw your url sprawled across the concrete near the mcg on the train, good job;) i wanted to point at someone and go MY CAM IS ON THAT SITE!.. MEH, email me! |
| gozer: yeah, shit off, you hairy chin! |
| Gary garrry: fuck off amos! |
| amos: Amos Brearly was the licencee of the Woolpack from 1948 till his retirement in 1991 Amos Brearly was born on April Fools day 1920. In reality Ronald Magill who plays Amos celebrated his 80th birthday on 21st of April 2000. The bushy sideburns that Ronald Magill grew for a stage play were to become the trademark of Woolpack landlord Amos Brearly when the actor landed the role in Emmerdale Farm when it began in 1972. Within a year, Ronald had also teamed up behind the bar of the serials village pub with Arthur Pentelow who, as Henry Wilks, became his business partner. It was a double-act that was to continue until Ronalds decision to retire in 1991 Amos was the village gossip and very much a loner, recalls Ronald. I saw him as a man who found it difficult to make friends yet, once he was behind the bar and lord of all he surveyed, he was able to relate to people. But he had the bar between them, of course. Originally, Henry had nothing to do with the pub, but Kevin Laffan, the creator, spotted a rapport between me and Arthur and came up with the idea of moving Henry into The Woolpack. Henry was originally to have been the villain of the piece and Amos was to find a wife and get married. Arthur and I had so much in common. We both loved doing The Times crossword every day - which is a great bond - both smoked a pipe and both liked good food and a bottle of wine. We would often go out and have a good meal together. Like his screen alter~ego, the quietly spoken actor has always been something of a loner. Born in Hull, East Yorkshire, in 1920, Ronald was brought up in a Birmingham orphanage from the age of nine, after his schoolteacher father died. He used to visit his mother on the family farm in Ireland during the holidays. Im a city slicker, I must admit, says Ronald. Arthur was the one who really loved the countryside. When someone remarked that Amos was rarely seen outside the pub and I never had any location filming to do. Kevin dreamed up the idea of him becoming local correspondent for the Hotten Courier. He also made him a keen gardener.I loved it. It wasnt exactly strange to me because my father came from farming stock in Ulster and I used to go to the farm during holidays as a child. But, when I joined Emmerdle, I was gobsmacked by the Dales and the villages we used to visit. Ronald had entered acting with the Arena travelling theatre company, which performed around the country in a circus tent. This was after working as a tyre salesman and serving with the Royal Corps of Signals during the Second World War, when he toured with the Stars In Battledress concert party, acting alongside other then unknowns like Terry Thomas, Michael Denison and Charlie Chester. A great lover of the classics, Ronald joined the new Nottingham Playhouse in 1963 and stayed for nine years, as actor and artistic director. He appeared in the film Julius Caesar and on television in Special Branch and Parkins Patch before auditioning for Emmerdale Farm in 1972. Coming straight from an Edwardian play, he turned up with bushy sideburns and expected to shave them off if he landed the role of licensee Amos Brearly, but he was told they were perfect for the part - and so was he. In 1972 Amos Brearly proposed to Annie Sugden but she turned him down. 23 years later SHE proposed to him and they were married on 5th november 1995 and now live in Spain. Ronald, who has never married, finally ended his screen partnership with Arthur Pentelow when he left the programme in early 1991. Arthur died less than a year later. I wanted to do more theatre, but it never materialised, says Ronald. However, he has since reappeared as Amos on brief visits to whisk Annie Sugden off for long holidays in Spain - and eventually marry her. |
| gzgfsd: Ian Paisley the Bumraper - You are lame... why do you right so much crap... is it about your life story with your mum? |
| Shithead: Nobody likes me... I have no friends only my bum chum who is big and black and rapes me in my sleep... thats why i wake up with a throbbing pain in my ass like a bicycle has been rammed up while i was sleeping... And everyone wants to get me... I dont know why... only cause I bullshit about everything... and I cant go outside my house or I get a brick thrown at my head and then I gotta go to hospital where my cool-ass brother in law and provide me with the best care and shit... and Im also a little curry... |
| gozer: where are my fish? have they left me for that slippery tongued monger? rats, they are more easily duped like children with marmalade. Ripe not squishy. |
| Russ Abbott: Behave, or Ill do another series!!!! |
| CAPTAIN: Dave Cooper sez Im captain of the footy team, footy team, footy team. Im captain of the footy team,footy team, footy team. Im captain of the footy team, footy team, footy team. Im captian you know and nobodies bigger!! |
| tossweasle: if i could ask one question it would be WHY? |
| mr no-all: larry is a peverted wanker with no wife. he yaps like a goat all his life''' |
| Dustbin: this is gay it gives you no bloody pics of old hags nig nags!!! |
| gozer: yeah and so the other day i am skipping down the lane when my foot got caught in a sharp rusty blade. 'My golly jim jams that smarts!' i declared like a mother fucker on heat. Mother will be cross with my shenanigans, no butter on my crumpet tonight. Oh dear, my cock has a dirty cancer splinter in it. Dripping quam duke busters It must be aids of the dick, I will surely perish like a arse raped granny with clap. |
| Mr McCabe: my name is Steve McCabe and i am a nosy neighbour! The other day i caught my knob in my flies It still fuckin hurts!! |
| secret squirrel: I have lost my nuts. Has anyone seen my nuts? |
| anal destroyer: I want to split your ass in half then i shall read you a bedtime story, anything you like me to read before i ream you! |
| al sandler: I am a bleeding asshole magget |
| ASSHOLE: I love http://www.scatbabes.com too fucking much!!!!! Whats wrong with me? Why do I like looking at cute Jap chicks covered in shit? |
| stuart: what happened to floela benjamine. |
| Rico: After spending some time in Cambodia with Gary Glitter I have developed a craving for men in knee high platforms. Worse still, after agreeing to accompany Gary to the local youth club, I fell pregnant to a 6 foot transsexual..I am awaiting the birth of my child and rumour has it that I will be the first man ever to give birth through an anus. |
| fucknut the third: anal bleeding, stella intake abuse - too many kids to ...................lookl after |
| cunt rag: i need a shag, my missus is up on briks and wont let me do her, even in the bath! and she wont let me put it in her bullet hole either, bitch. |
| gozer: i have a worm in my bottom jovo, wanna smell it? |
| Jehova Witness: barry...do you have any little niglets? |
| barry forest: i,am a single black male who lives in london, i,am a kinky sod with a big cock, i want a women a loves sex all the time. |
| Ian Paisley the Bumraper: MALAHIDE: A common studio accident - a man being electrocuted in the face by a loose cable. But what made the accident uncommon was that it was caught on one of these - [She points to a camcorder] - a home camcorder. Hello, Im Remedy Malahide. And tonight Ill be showing you just a couple of the many thousands of unattractive events poured onto a lens by you the public in... 'Genutainment'. First, these remarkable scenes of an audacious bank robbery were captured by Miss Susan Bryers, who owns the security cameras at the Norwood branch of Natwest. [A group of bank robbers in Michael Jackson masks moonwalk their way through a robbery, doing spins and kicks as they exit with the loot.] MALAHIDE: The real capturing happened soon after. Our reality eyefest continues courtesy of St Johns ambulance unit, who filmed this disturbing spectacle of a distressed caterer who had her finger trapped under the page of a book. [We see a middle-aged woman writhing in agony, her finger exactly where Malahide described it - under a page of a book. Presumably not light reading...] MALAHIDE: Photo actuality now, and Mrs Mandy Hell captured these snaps while out walking her brother on Wandsworth Common. The unnamed woman had been pierced by a shaft of frozen urine which had fallen from the toilet facility of an overhead plane. [A dead woman is lying on the grass. Protruding from her stomach is a ten foot long yellow icicle.] MALAHIDE: And finally, Mr Peter Dexy of Lancaster sent us amusing footage of a baseball attack outside his home. If you listen carefully, you can hear that Mr Dexys living room cuckoo-clock happened to strike in time to each smash of the bat. [A man on the ground is being hammered with a baseball bat. As the bat strikes, the soundtrack goes cuckoo!.] MALAHIDE: But on now to our main visual splash. Real-life tales of danger and rescue, which thanks to this little child - its a camcorder - we can actually show you each week on Its Your Blood. [A bucket of blood is splashed over a white-painted brick wall. The blood flows away, leaving only the words Its Your Blood smeared in red down the brickwork.] MALAHIDE: Every week on Its Your Blood we feature an actual bad accident, and show how you can avoid a similar fate. This week - Chopper Of Doom. [A scene of a helicopter in a field.] REPORTER: Helicopters - machines with blades for cutting air. Air thats soft and easy to slice, like human beings. If a helicopter hits the ground at 100 miles per hour, it can be rebuilt. But for a man, made of crushable bones and ligaments that tear, its not quite so easy. In recreating the horrific events of the 12th of December 1992, weve persuaded the original victims to face that ordeal again. We also use real video footage of the nightmare - all bodily fluids shown are the ones which actually emerged at the time. For this reason and many others, you may find the following sequence produces a very powerful sensation in your brain and body. [A farmer and his dog are standing by a helicopter.] REPORTER: Farmer Chester Johnson uses a chopper for crop surveillance, and he flies it himself. Its ten oclock on the birthday of his sheepdog Lindsey, and Chester has planned him a treat. [Johnson lets the dog into the helicopter.] JOHNSON: It was a ride in the helicopter - I knew hed like it, so I decided to video it for him. [Johnson fits numerous camcorders on mounts inside and outside the helicopter.] REPORTER: What he and Lindsey didnt know was that they were about to make a flight neither of them would ever forget, even if their brains were erased with mind rubbers. [The chopper takes off.] REPORTER: At first, everything was normal. They were up and enjoying the ride. JOHNSON: It was smooth and exhilarating, like an aerial motorbike. REPORTER: But then Chester decided to look at his watch - a watch we later found to have a dangerous design. [Johnson raises his arm to look at his watch, but lifts it too far and knocks himself out. The chopper starts to veer out of control.] REPORTER: The aircraft was now perilously out of control, and to make matters worse it was heading straight towards a field of children looking for worms. By sheer luck a member of the public, Mrs Maureen Tucker, had noticed the helicopter and started shooting these valuable pictures with her own camera. [Her own camera looks suspiciously like a professional news crews Betacam... Her footage of the spinning chopper has the caption '(c) Mrs M Tucker 1992' on screen at all times.] REPORTER: After ten minutes, she called for help. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER [into phone]: Hello, control tower. Oh no, its one of our helicopters out of control. OTHER ATC: I wonder who that can be. ATC: It could be Chester Johnson. And hes got a dog on board. Wed better call a shepherd then. REPORTER: The steel vulture of Beelzebub was now just seconds away from the childrens soft heads. [A shepherd is rushed to the control tower. He starts to whistle into the microphone. In the helicopter, the dog looks up at the sound.] ATC: Tell him to move the stick just slightly to the left. [The dog takes the cyclic stick in its mouth and starts to move it. The chopper misses the kids and heads away.] REPORTER: By sheer brilliance, the shepherd/dog team also managed to avoid an old woman up a stick in a nearby field. [The chopper buzzes, yes, an old woman up a stick. In the control tower, the controllers congratulate the shepherd.] REPORTER: While the heroes celebrated, the shepherds unattended flock caused a pileup on the M5 in which 430 people were injured. Mercifully, the ordeal formed such firm bonds between the victims that it led in many cases to marriage. [The reporter addresses the camera.] REPORTER: If this happened to you, would you know what to do? Your chances would be considerably improved if you made sure someone on the ground had one of these. [He holds up a toy figure of a man in a raincoat, and presses its head. It whistles.] REPORTER: Its a pocket shepherd. It costs just £59, a small price to pay for the gift of a functioning body that works properly. |
| Osama Bin Laden: JIHAD on hot bread! |
| Whore: I have a loaf of bread baking in my pussy! Were talking one big ass yeast infection! Hot bread anyone? |
| Morpheus: My arms are covered with abcesses from shooting heroin and their are these little white worms crawling around in the pus |
| HUH?!?!?!: y iz it that a site with such a gud name cud b such a piece of crap??? nd y cant i by alcohol.........just coz i am 14 |
| The cunt: Why is it after 16 pints of head fuck cider I start pissing blood?? |
| gozer: (drunkenly opens one eye) huh? (closes again). |
| simms: the sales are on!..................... |
| simms: the sales are on!..................... |
| phil simms: have you got any stuff with cat deeley in? mr frazer? i swap it for a packet of tripe |
| you know: im gonna recreate E17 with alan shearer as brian harvey |
| sedrik: bent penis |
| Gary garrry: whay dont you freak off and die you miserable piece of shit vermin?! |
| craig: why isnt dope cheeper |
| the real fucking gozer: lies lies and lice is all they ever burble out there big fat smell brockets! I have more faith in jebus who i dont even belief in because he too was a feminin! |
| Heary Jane F#e/m: I am a feminin stuck in the house of the last two posts...i have a right to exist and i will do really bad things to myself for money but i like to do bad things to other more- i want to hurt people so bad and make them feel rotten like sore wounds of soldiers who have dying in nam - i am concussed like a brother from the war - i headbutted a barrier like a total retard, i dont want to fight back, i am happy to surfer but i am not happy to , and i want to be an easy lifer. |
| The SteveRay: I too have feminists and jObus witness living in my dorm. i have tried to fight them using bleach - this is receptive. i am looking for ways to improve my astrology on these mortals, if you can send me some free things that would be ok for now . thanks |
| the real fucking gozer: my fucking problem is i got 2 femminists and 5 freaking jehovahs fucking witness in my house, GET OUT! I DON@T EVEN BELIEVE IN JEBUS! |
| Joey Deacon: Hmm..Raa.Naa.Im A Spaka.... Brmmm... brrmmm.... Fallen Out Of Wheel Chair |
| UFockUk: Hi UFocks!, Check out our new web-site ....www.ufockuk.cjb.net..... and Yes pierre you are a cunt! |
| The cunt: So pierre thinks we aint funny, yet reckons sucking his mother`s diseased clit is fucking acceptable. What a fucking cunt wanking snotgobbling cockwringer. |
| le peep: those fucking polished egg scores, absolute gobshite, my arm nearly fell off and I can still only get 300 - 350...there are some seriously fast wankers out there if those scores are real ! pumpers lump ! |
| frazer: what has happened to the randomness? its all just nob gags these days! bring back gozer the destroyer - thats what I say! |
| rocco siffredi: I AM A PORN STAR THE BEST YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OFF ME. I AM LOOKING FOR GIRLS TO STAR IN MY FUTURE MOVIES. I HAVE A 10 AND A HALF INCH COCK. THE GIRLS MUST BE VERRY PRETTY AND LIKE DOING ANAL. THE IS VERRY GOOD MONEY AND PLENTY OF AMAZING ORGASAMS. SO ANY GENUINE FIT GIRLS INTRESTED EMAIL ME AT EASYDOWNMAN/@YAHHO.COM |
| Fuckface: You smell of poo |
| pierre: constipation |
| gozer: you gotta see this shit man, real ass nazi scat films, www.scatcafe.com/ |
| gozer: my cock smells of bleach, it isnt clean like a toilet more dirty like the pope! DISNEY IS EVIL! dirty cock dirty cock, does it make me a bad boy mummy? |
| Danielle T: I havent got a clue who you are and it would be nice to no and what is with the ask bird she is well wired |
| pierre: I seem to be reading a lot of unfunny shit written by a lot of unfunny wankers... I wonder if you could help? |
| gary glitter: Hi girls & boy do you want to play a little game its called suck on uncle garys lolipop... |
| gg allin: i like to get dead things and cut them open and eat the maggot infested shit thats left behind in them ! |
| bee-otch: I always have a hard on. Is it wrong to jerk it down while Im at work? |
| Dozy: I say, how rude |
| cunt licka: my dad is a farmer in wales....he owns a lot of sheep....i cant help fuking them!!my mom also had breast cancer so i can not suck her nipples without getting a diesease.is that right??HELP ME!!!! p.s:my cock is 1mm long......arr!! |
| the cunt: I like to jizz on my mother`s dogeared tits whilst my father watches. |
| Muhammad Abdullah Al_mamun: Fastration & get better jobs in IT field. |
| joojoobies: i love goat fucking. i like to combine goat fucking with young boy porn. i am a homosexual with a 3 inch penis. help me. |
| Kilian Verso: My mum is always blowing me and im startin to feel kinda wierd i like it caus my dad never finds out but she starting to get old and it isnt up to standards. i give her a lickout all the time and she loves that. |
| the 7th apostle of the late jesus bug: can u tell me where to get a killing machine? |
| bobby dazzler: i have a penis on my wart |
| Vagina: I have a wart on my penis |
| dude: cool now check me out www.7fire.com |
| your cunt: you all wank off over your siblings! |
| toothpaste is good: im a giddy aol user |
| Zap: wow, this toothpaste has baking soda! |
| Cunt: Enormous mammories. |
| redhair: i really need someone to scratch the leprosy on my back.....PLEASE HELP! |
| Deeley: who earns more money a prostute or a drug dealer ? A prostitute cause she can wash her crack and sell it again !:) |
| Deeley: who earns more money a prostute or a drug dealer ? A prostitute cause she can wash her crack and sell it again !:) |
| Unga Bunga: Man who go to bed with itchy arse, wake up with smelly finger. |
| Slim: www.slimsplace.tk |
| peedo: children trust me |
| PaZZa: I cant get an erection by looking at men, but i sure do when looking at women, does that make me a lesbian? |
| frazilla: if freddie mercurys arm were to only ever spin in a clockwise fashion, magic things would happen! |
| frazilla: if freddie mercurys arm were to only ever spin in a clockwise fashion, magic things would happen! |
| Will Young: you must go to the local swimming pool and get changed with the men, only then will you know by your reaction to naked man flesh if you are a hom. |
| Adam: i cant get an erection over girls only men. Does this mean i am a Homosexual? |
| the real fucking gozer: you are all girls so feel my eyes they weep bleach |
| nia: i dont know if im a girl or not?! |
| elenid: my fanny is realy fishy! |
| Arch-Bishop Desmond TuTu: I can vouch that Andy Pye really does have a small penis. Its so small that I never felt a thing! How I miss gozer. |
| andy pye: small penis |
| gozer: under new legislation all twats could be eligible to be sectioned and forced to recieve treatment via the arse and bucket hose section. |
| fucktard: never been... |
| smacktoad: broken kickers, smooth paint, resolved pain, leisuresex, gold dangling clowns, scrunchies, tracksuits, foul language, huggies, facial hair, tattoos, child, foulmouth, itch-bang-cock-blast-hammer, roadcops, chips, vinecuts, imploded mouth, all these things remind me of grantham.. |
| the biggest bag of shite in the world ever!: I think youll find that I am the biggest bag of shite youve ever seen. Hahahahaha(evil laughter) kneel before me scum. |
| bag of shite: i am the biggest bag of shite youve ever seen |
| some cunt: 99 ways to die has 73 missing |
| Pissed up Scottish bloke: Ya fukkin ah, right, goodnah fukkinah, larvly y ish mah beshish fukkin meight, yarss. Yars fukkin knee washish arm sayings, yareet fukkin greet blaark... Buyush a fukkin pint meight, yushish a good lad! |
| gozer: mummy, the bad man called me gay, boo hoo, you fuckin slime drinkin puss fuck, go back to playing marbles with your cock and stop making me lose my train of thought, hmmm, where was i? oh yeah, kylie, yogurt and sandpaper, mmmm. |
| JEDI: UR ALL GAY |
| gozer: and later on changing rooms, laurence shows us how to masterbate a worm... |
| web: Leather, lashes, a riding crop, a hat with a 6 foot feather With shiny boots on, a french kiss and then a velvet slap, Kiss to love, love to live, a smirk, a fuck-you, a handjob with a red silk glove. Drinking blood to be gorgeous, sucklinging milk from a wolves nipple, A cult of witches will lick your wounds and make secret potions with their eyes All to the sound of broken robots tuning their electric pianos. |
| gozer: here it is, between my teeth, now brown not yellow, cress. |
| The man in the iron mask: Can somebody help me, Ive dropped my key into David Wilsons arse and there is no way that Im going in to get it. I either need the number of a lock smith or gozer to go back in and get it. |
| gozer: achoo, i have been lost in david wilson fat arse, it is warm and smells of coconuts. |
| plop: My reputation proceeds me. Word spreads fast round these parts. Wait till the pudmister joins us, as thats when the pain begins. Watch out he bites! |
| bigamist: Lets go now big chopper I have a ring for your finger |
| plop: Ill get my way and then Ill marry you all. Hahaha. We can make babies! |
| David wilson: last thing i lost my mother, father and brother again im my arse and i had to use a boat paddle to get them out!!!!! please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| david wilson: o yeah i forgot when i had sex with my brother for the second time i lost him somewhere in my arse!!!!!!!!! |
| David Wilson: When i have sex with my little brother, i hurt him because of my immense weight. Please help me!!! Oh yeah, i cant find a big enough burger to suit my needs!!! BOO HOO HOO!! |
| gozer: you made me lose my stiffy! |
| sam james: im too sexy |
| cecil: and mice |
| cecil: i cant stop shagging horses |
| the real fucking gozer: i am the real gozer, i smash your face off with a brok whip and fire arse crack-who dare to fox with me, your piss smells of the police helicopters chasing me...i get you...i break you...i must pee |
| SpAnK the MonKey: Im sweating like a paedophile in a playground, please help! |
| jehovahs witness: would you like to buy a watchtower? |
| coco: vreau shi io o muiere buna la supt ! |
| Pigfucker: The amI a hotbabe thing is absolute shite! Frazs sister is more appealing than them, and she looks like him ! |
| joff Ennis: When i have sex with a girl on top my penis keeps slipping out?i also enjoy having my girlfriend licking my ass hole out is this normal? |
| philip: i am having problems getting it up |
| jhon: hi there ladies |
| ian: twat |
| ian: need a pussy well get a cat |
| tiom heart: you need to show your pussy |
| EviL MonkeY: I have a bum, it often fights with me, can i be in your magazine? |
| Bizarre Magazine, UK: im trying to get hold of the guys that made bumfight cos we want to do a feature on them. Can you or they email me? |
| rimgrinding mosque badger: I hate tiles but I live in a mosque. |
| Seventeen and five thirds: Harken! to the jelly-coloured cash-points of Cudworth, for the pan-fried otter plays golf for pistachios. |
| gozer the destroyer: One day, I was squeezing out some pimples and I think that I didnt remove all the pimples granules from my nails when I go and adjust my dick, clearing away the pubic hairs from the head (You see, I dont wear underwear) Thats when I think I drop a pimple granule into the inside lining of my foreskin. Now, I felt as if theres a lump under the foreskin at the area where the dick head join the stem. And however I roll up the foreskin and look, I just cant find the pimple granule. Riddle : Where has the pimple gone to? Please respond euthusiastically and tell me the answer cause I dont wanna loose my little brother......As it will mean the end to a lot of things....... |
| 30ft ninja: its alright you saying things can only get better... you havent gone and lost your brand new sweater! |
| MonkeY: If you look closely enough at Chris Tarrent on Who want to be a millionaire, you can see the strings. |
| Baron von Thrax Qualcast rotary sprintmaster III: If you want it, I know where you can find it..... |
| kaiser: are jennys tits really big? is she the one from trashed or not? and when can i meet louise evans? so many questions and so much free time! |
| Baron von Thrax Qualcast rotary sprintmaster III: The Hives......why? Also.....ANATIDAEPHOBIA is the fear that somewhere, somehow a duck is watching you! |
| The Demon from Hell: I am undone |
| b.a.baracus: Who would win a fight between Crocodile Dundee and Steve Irwin? Discuss... |
| gozer the destroyer: i break you ha ha ha |
| me: i texted her, fuxor all replx0r, slag dont make me touchx0r her sh1ns |
| gozer the destroyer: wHERE THE FUCK YOU BEEN GOAT SUCKER? SHIT! IM ON MY OWN OR SOMETHING? |
| gozer the destroyer: my piddle has spasmed my eye through a horse, now who will dribble my black horse twat? |
| gozer the destroyer: my pulpy gristle has fled, now who will buy my bed piss? |
| MonkeY: Im being attacked by Marvin gay in an onion suit pretending to be president Bushs 'Bag Man'. |
| gozer the destroyer: my fingers? are they broken? id pat swmaray? |
| gogu: Vreau sa fut toate fetele din scoala ! |
| gj: ghjghj |
| GiLbY: THEREZ a HoLE iN OuR SoUL THAT WE fiLL iT WitH DopE +WERE fEELiN fiNE... NEVER tRUSt a jUNkiE ! |
| 2 idle little schoolboys: Wanted: someone to sell heroin outside our school gates. We have to walk 250 metrers to get it right now. Please Help |
| PaZZa: Wheres the article about naked wasp wrestling? Also I see a distinct lack of coverage reguarding trifle abuse, I want answers - NOW! |
| gozer the destroyer: i have a romanian orphan whose lymph nodes are as swollen as a ripe cock, he was unwilling at first but now has been persuaded to prostitute himself as a freak for the amusement of my friends, his feeble bones crack when i hit him with whips, his biggest node is seven inches long and i believe would satisfy your dripping hole |
| jenny big tits: sorry i gave the wrong email, here you go! my legs are spread.......... |
| jenny big tits: i want to be fucked by anything,women guys dogs chairs anything, email me with ideas please honey ;) |
| valis mum: i want to be madonna. |
| vali: I want to fuck Madonna |
| Trevor MacDonald: The Queen slipped and did a fart today, letting rip after feasting on her Sunday lunch. News, and diffusion, quickly spread, leading thousands of well-wishers to decorate Buckhingham Palace with flowers and get well cards. One on-looker said, 'I love the Queen, now that she has farted I hope she gets better. I hear Lemsip is good for trapped wind.' For fucks sake, so what if the Queen farted, so did Luke Chadwicks mum and look what came out, but nobody makes a big deal out of it. So shut the fuck up everyone and get a life, theres more important things to talk about. |
| gozer the destroyer: i was, once, addicted to the rancid udders of a seventy year old nappy wearing ulcer. she was a disgusting wank rag who didnt mind letting me pull the scabs from her decrepid labia and lubricating my fuck plank via the puss dirps and straight into her choco chunnel. her anal canal was so relaxed due to her hundred or so years of prostituting her flacid and wavering slop (mostly worked on Kings Cross during the time of Victoria-a fan i believe) that i could slide up my rod, tackle and all without any fuss. One day i threw caution to the wind and decided to see what else i could thrust up this hags relaxed underpass, the thrill of burying my bald wookie giving me no excitement whatsoever. I started with my leg, and having been a sumo wrestler for some five years, it was no mean feat!!! or so i thought but whoosh if the bugger didnt slip right in like a pedo into a craddle. surprised and mildly aroused by this turn of events i decided to try the other one, in the tradition of how many fingers the bitch can take, just think think, fuck, how many legs. 'Bitch shut you your yapping twat face and listen, dont move im trying to better humanity!' i slapped the dirty slug of fleshs bulbous mass and with one swift turn plumeted my other leg straight into the pink sweaty target. 'SUCCESS!!' i screamed and began to gloriously sing the anthem of liberty, indeed my declaration was so rousing that the stupid whore began to sing herself and even through my petition started to dance and jut about like a pig with an elephant abcess. My guts where swinging and i feared the worse as my legs began to slide deeper and deeper, it was unstoppable, i was lost within the bowels of a strumpet waiting for my release with hers. |
| MonkeY: six please. |
| perverted little fuck wit: You. You need some pictures of shit on grannys fannys......wet slappy pussy.com wood be a good name also.You all suck. GIVE ME GRANNYS MUD FLAPS |
| gozer the destroyer: Is this the way to Amarillo? Tony Christie-YES, prune your must dash |
| Involunterry Wogan: Do you know the way to San Jose? I did, but I forgot! |
| Tregard: Come forward weary traveller, from whence have you come? 'Leicester'? Sounds a far-off and dangerous land, perhaps you would partake with me in the quaffing of some mead? You would! Excellent, now perhaps you would don this helmet that blocks all sight and follow my every command? Theres a plastic trophy in it if you do........ |
| iced berg: the crippled squirrels they chatter an chatter but do they listen do they fuc |
| MonkeY: 4:30 Chepstow Fingered Nun 2 : 1 Fav Athelites Fuck Up 3 : 1 Pourous Might 5 : 1 Cranberry Fisting ( deceased ) |
| gozer the destroyer: experimenting publicly how long i could sustain the croaking noise whilst anally masturbating a hedgehog, an inanimate crow began a processed agravation, proceeded to rile me with the aural misbehaviour of BB MACK! i rose to grand hieght and displayed my tail feathers, only to find that my spine had been disfigured by the assualt on my dance reflex motor, DAMN YOU BB MACK!! DAMN YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN! my fingers are swollen but the struggle continues!! |
| MonkeY: i too find hardness in beat walking random tunes playing playing shitty bang BANG rectal closure. I was shopping in Asda amoungst the berries section of walnut shower gel and i found myself blinking to the time of jazz Q-beat in old Harvy Keitel fashion. Removing eye rounds and rubbing on my wooly jumper resolved problem as they became very static and i was able to stick to the ceiling with them and then escape. |
| gozer the destroyer: you wanna fight steveray? FIGHT ME! |
| frazer: i was walking down the street the other day and i found myself walking past a shop that was playing a really bad pop tune that i hate, when i realised that my footsteps where exactly in time to the beat, and as i walked it looked like i was deliberately pacing along in time to this tune (which i hate) and everyone was looking at me, so i started trying to change the pace of my steps and then people were really staring at me because i was hopping and skipping along randomly and then i fell over. |
| the steveray: Howdy, This time I shall report on the biggest tower in the world. Tower of man. This tower is looking for trouble. I went to visit the tower with my family. My family wanted to experience the tower like I know they can. The tower was very receptive to the smile of a family. I wanted to show the family some pictures of me when I was young, but they had seen those pictures before and I still am similar to how I was then. We got to the tower at nightfall and I looked at the tower with my angry eyes. The tower was asking me to fight and then it all happened. Trouble was in my garden; it wanted me to give it a feeling. A feeling it had not felt before for a long time. The first round I tried to disappear and I couldn’t the tower struck first and I was burnt by the tickle of turret. Hurt me, the tower wanted to show me that it was ready. I hit the tower back with the power of nine men; the tower was receptive of my horn. I wanted to make it through. My family watched with amazement and cheered for me to win the battle. The battle was long and hard, I took it like a man and sometimes I took it like a boy. At the end of the battle it was time for us to go. My son is 11. Goodbye |
| Dave Mustaine: 99 Ways to Die |
| grottbags: Rod Hulls last words to Emu.. 'Ill teach you to fly if it kills me' |
| Marquis De Sade: 'Well, Francon,' says he, pulling a monstrous prick from his drawers, an instrument which nearly toppled me with fright; 'tell me,' he continues, frigging himself, 'have you ever seen anything to equal it?... thats what they call a prick, my little one, yes, a prick... its used for fucking, and what youre going to see, whats going to flow out of it in a moment or two, is the seed wherefrom you were created. Ive shown it to your sister, Ive shown it to all the little girls of your age, lend a hand, help it along, help get it out, do as your sister does, shes got it out of me twenty times or more.... I show them my prick, and then what do you suppose I do? I squirt the fuck in their face.... Thats my passion, my child, I have no other... and youre about to behold it.' |
| disabled lesbian cyborg: you could possibly question that fact that vanessa feltz has never really quite reached her goal of recreating all the landmark battles of WWII with her ample chest but she has come damn close, and as we watch in further anticaption of this occasion taking place id like to take this the time to wish her all the best in a public forum, u go girl... oh god, oh dear god, not only have i broken the last taboo in the modern world (drinking fanta whilst sheering a priest) but have also deffered mr arnold wateright to the wrong geneology lab for his thesis. May the Lords of Detford remain strong in this time off woe and remember that although Arnold is at heart a good man, he will never be able to shrug off the fact that he brutally stared at two 15yr old girls in his past.... those poor girls, innocent, laughing, smoking, not a care in the world other than bros splitting up and the pimples on their conjoined arses leaking. Arnold was only really there for shits n giggles, knowing that harsh eye contact could prove fatal he cared not a jot and prepared his visual torrent of abuse. 'Schools out ' the girls cheer, william lets stop at the shops for some fags and cakes said one of the girls to the other...thats where Arnold lay in wait. fags bought and smash hits hidden up jumper, the girls leave, oh god this makes me weep just reciting it. Arnold, stares, the girls fall, panic, silence, onlookers crying, wasted young corpses slumped over the curb. Arnold laughed so hard at the young girls demise, upon spotting the Smash hits he decides to steal from the stared girl. There he reads, 'Venessa Feltz makes public her 17yr plan to recreate WWII landmarks with her shoulder boulders..PLEASE let this be a lesson to you, and dear god have a Merry Christmas, goodbye............. |
| cassius box: shes got betty davis pies...12 pence each! |
| gozer the destroyer: i was born without the use of my hair-but just like the blind man i have over developed my remaining faculties-LOOK! i can ice skate on my toe nails, my cheeks double as garments and my legs can be removed and syled as vintage howitzers. i was running a good trade untill gunter caught up with me in hellsinki, ill give you two quid and a battery, it doesnt work. |
| barry simms 3rd: my tent is ripped......£10 ono |
| gozer the destroyer: trees bikes death the horror the horror but iwas the greatest and they they never knew like the fat one in the goodies or timothy claypole or des lynam or laughing wasps argh the horror the wasps the gilded edge of fickle fate wistfully drifts and lands in a cow |
| mark: once i fell off my bike then WHAM! tree eating. |
| MonkeY: hello. Currentl i am sitting in the lobby of a company which hs something to do wih the production of a magazine which has picture written in it. They have seats and sometimes cushions in the lobby. they let me stay there because i wander in and ask to speak to Mr Pike of accounts. ometimes it takes them an hour and a half to find out there is no Mr Pike of accounts. yesterday whilst riffling through the bins outside of the local Spar shop i found some discarded lightbulbs. The glass was not broken, what was wrong with them. i placed them in a bag and wandered past a branch of Dixons. After thinking, hard, i came to the conclusion that Dixons would most likely know the reason why they were not working. Placing the bulbs in a bag i went in. A man with a name tag looked at me. It was the ind of look yougive your shoe after you have trodden in some brown shit from a dogs pipe. I thought, thought some more, then reammed the bulbs into his face. They broke. He bled. Police came. i dont like Dixons. |
| web: what flavour JAM? |
| Jamton Plank: Pump Up The Jam As performed by Technotronic A # 2 hit from 1989 Pump up the jam pump it up while your feet are stompin And the jam is pumpin Look ahead the crowd is jumpin, pump it up a little more Get the party goin on the dance floor See cause thats where the partys at And you find out if you do that Aiwa, a place to stay Get your bootie on the floor tonight, make my day Aiwa, a place to stay Get your bootie on the floor tonight, make my day Pump up the jam pump it up while your feet are stompin And the jam is pumpin Look ahead the crowd is jumpin, pump it up a little more Get the party goin on the dance floor See cause thats where the partys at And you find out if you do that Aiwa, a place to stay Get your bootie on the floor tonight, make my day Aiwa, a place to stay Get your bootie on the floor tonight, make my day YO! Pump up the jam Pump it up pump it up yo! Pump it! (Repeat ad infinitem) |
| u stink: gjutygijkdtyg |
| frazer: all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... all play and no work makes frazee a dull boy... etcetera... |
| gozer the watsit: An Ode to the Fishermans Craft I caught a little fishy and a bigger fishy too, So I took both of my fishies, and I made a fishy stew, Then I ate my little fishies and I went off to the loo, And I shat out both my fishies in a fishy piece of poo. I like a little fishy, yes I like it quite a lot, When I eat a little fishy I shit fishy out my bot, Yes I like a little fishy fishies can be lots of fun, When I eat a little fishy I shit fishy out my bum, I so like a little fishy yes I like it quite a bit, When I eat a little fishy I shit out a fishy shit, I love to eat a little fishy its a little bit of class, When I eat a little fishy, I shit the bastard out me arse. Pathetic earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe, anything at all, you wouldve hidden from it in terror. |
| gozer the destroyer: people just dont talk about violent anal sex enough, the pleasures of rupturing anal shpincters with a bulbous throbing gland of fuck gristle really is the best way to start the day, |
| gozer the destroyer: hmm, wasps hey, so this repelant insectoid is still the flava of the day like a repeating donna that refuses to bade at ones whim and fancy? |
| AAAGGGHHH!!!: Ode To Gozer: wasps wasps wasps, wasps wasps wasps, wasps wasps wasps, waps wpaswp apwps wpas ps wpawsp wapsspw wapspsa wasp. |
| gozer the destroyer: i just found timothy claypole, gadzooks im a winner |
| pog: bags of crack dont like me.... GIVE ME CRACK... i keep dying, its frustrating... |
| MonkeY: Add four teaspoons of a nuns dispare with lashings of vinegar drip. Mix the sachet of Hoars Dirty Fuck with the ingredients from a colons uncle. Aplly to the area and wait to dry. Add a couple of drops of Kings head Shot and increase the level till it reads FUCK. Repeat and apply again. Wait for the bleeding to stop and then get fucked up on smack. |
| pog: there are circles in the sky looking down on me... their eyes penetrate my skull and their screams infect my mind, the claws of their hatred scratch my soul and tear shreds off my sanity... i cut the skin of the earth and it bleeds a foul smelling mucus...... WHAT DO YOU THINK MY PROBLEM IS??? |
| gozer the destroyer: you freakin bunch of Bellamy turd munchers, quibling the absoloute toss, tish and pibble, Oh, the wasps, talk about wasps, it gets my scrawny little limp cock half-hard FAGGOTS! you like insects so much well come and lick the spiders out my grannys mud flaps fag breathe, you cant even spell custard, watch out wimpy there might be a wasp coming for you with a strap on dog lusting for your trivial little brains, my brain is huge and can think of things real scary like the time your pop jacked off your girlfriends dog with a milk bottle and you sneeked a look between blowing your mum and getting banged by the family poodle, what are you going to do when they put you in the slammer? and all the bitches are picking on you because the big cock Mcjock wants your soft white ass all the time, spell it go on spell it spell CUSTARD! HA HA HA, you cant, scat licker! |
| disabled lesbian cyborg: mmm the joys of bludgening a 16yr old horse to death |
| moonmaiden: IM JUST A BIT EMBARRASED THAT THE ONLY OTHER RANTER USING ALL CAPS WAS THE DEVILISH SEXIST FASCIST - I JUST WANT TO BE ON THE POINTY STICK END OF THE WASP GODS POINTY STICK |
| moonmaiden: HEAD LICE! lets have a little talk about tweedle beetles...explatives ought to be inserted in here by now- lets start off with CHEESEANDRICE... FASHIONFUCKFASHION FUCKFASHION. there must be another way to connect. |
| tiny: can you put a sticker on the lampost outside my house, or the wasp gets it!!!!!! |
| bigmatron: an i swat wasps too!!!! |
| tiny: yeh.....wot my bruv said |
| big matron: its not fuckin red its pink and purple you tart |
| gozer the destroyer: Wishy washy the firemans son had vacated the fishmongering business years previously due to the prevalent torrential out pouring of abuse he would receive from his esteemed father figure and father, he became a monk tribute guitarist, half because he was going deaf and half because he hated the music and half because of satan, thrashing their greatest hits around the outer hebredies and torquay in the winter months due to staff shortage and the chance of a quick shag, this never happened. Notwithstanding this he persevered until he had made a name for himself as a great show man, pulling down his pants and shouting ‘I think I’ve shit myself’ became a trademark and willing to look the fool for a measely chance of some stale soup. This progressed as these things do to become a habit of intensity leading to the streets and needles and pimping stray dogs on the corner of kings cross for fifty pence a go to long distance lorry drivers and other failed fishmongers. Wishy washy was hip though to the changing climate of the sixties and realised that badges were the way forward and proceeded to design a number of popular numbers that he was sure would stand him in good stead and possibly make him enough money to get back to the scotish isles and the good old days of singing ‘shut up, don’t cry’. Oh Wishy Washy would contemplate his miss spent youth of crack whores and waking up in the sack with a flea-ridden poodle named tulooloo. But no more ‘twas a thing of the past and these little beauties would make sure of it. His first badge was a profound statement against the system, ‘wetting your pants gets you warm, for a bit, until it goes cold, and then you smell.’ Wishy knew it was a dead sert. A little on the mouthy side sure, but it spelt out the truth and man if these chippies didn’t dig the truth. Wishy was going to be minted. Second badge was peace message, ‘I like carrots’ sweet and to the point, beautiful. |
| gozer the destroyer: so you have been resurected? and it looks exactly the same, what a waste of time and effort and every day looking at the same godamn red page with meaningless drivel like a rat in the sink or jam on my socks and penis |
| diaper: it didnt mean anything it didnt produce anything it just sat there and waited |
| tiny: My brother doesnt like pink and purple, YOU HEAR!! |
| Bigmatron: I dont like pink & purple |
| MonkeY: THIS IS FUCKING OUTRAGOUS!!!! Im not even sure if im listening to my ranting any more!!!! Its so cold out here that my gin has frozen and my wasps atre sleepy....HOW CAN THEY ATTACK WHEN THEY ARE SLEEPY!!!!!!! DAMN YOU GOD!!!!!!! DAMN YOU TO GRIMSBY AND BACK !!!! |
| AAAGGGHHH!!!: yeah, you say it like it is, MonkeY. Im sick of this fucking waiting. i am cold. so very, very cold. and there are young goats outside taunting me with threats of trolls. i have no love to give. |
| MonkeY: Four fucking days now its been, no food, no water, only the slightest wiff of gin and a waps called Patterson who is in a state of clinic depression. The days of careless jam intensive farming are over, FUCK THE E.U!!!! WHERE IS THE FUCKING RANT!!!!! |
| MonkeY: i am crying the tears of a gin ridden fool. Where is the crazymum????? sniff........ |
| AAAGGGHHH: i used to like this place. it was my home. some would say i was obsessed when i would rather spout shit from my fingers on crazymum than service my girlfriend in the toe department. and now those days are gone. i morn them. looks like its just me, frazer and leon who can get the fuck in here now. good work sir! |
| frazer: latest from americas war on antwerp- osama bin Liner has been sending coded messages through animated pork chops on rolphs cartoon club (you can join today!) |
| MonkeY: Swinging fuck batter..... |
| james lendon: yr mums hair cunt |
| MonkeY: FOR SALE - pea soup fluffed up a virgins twat. One careful onion. Fucking munsters. Espicially that Fester cunt. Quim. |
| AAAGGGHHH!!!: can you feel it? is it real? I can feel it, i can feeeeeeeel it. oh yes. it is real. lovely. stanley kubrick invented the term arse-biscuits whilst holidaying in his red sweater. |
| devilhawk2001: women are good for one thing, the four Fs. FIND EM FEEL EM FUCK EM (many times) FINISH EM!!!! |
| gozer the destroyer: my name was giltrap,my dilema apparent, from foaming sinister warbles of thy previous document bona fide and abridged by finger paints,Edwyn was not close enough for my enjoyment, in the land i was welcomed as king, my royal roman regality fooling all but the gypos, the premature lapse before entering demands address. i have long studied the arts of cockfighting, twating and the bare knuckle sling and chance bade me aquaint a fellow who went by the ill fitting like lycra like monica Seb Fountain, NO NO an antipodean and elephat must declare himself a boxer by trade, twas the custom of that epoch, i decided forthwith and verily; FAT LIP. he worked feverishly an ever increasing agender of weights and jogs earning himslef a reasonable seeding within a few years. hard work, as tel would spurt, pays. his first bout, upon ranking as best in really very heavy waits, pitted him against an indian by the name of Abrubt la Rd. No human head would have survived his thumpy, the sum of boulders and stones, they certainly would have deed.legend had it thatat the age of two he could slap meteors back to whence and tup bullets ala return to sender. ringside attendance was classified bustin and even the microbe celebritys Lennoy Bennet und Ronston Corbett was invited, (he)refused on grounds of religous ferver of a topaz nature.a shame as his witty trawls about golf and managershave become something of a treat for the old ladies who get quite excited at the thought of his short fat hairy head. any way hence forth, the fight was horrendous, Fat Lip was flawed by Abrubts first jab, an overflow of tears by round one, the pathetic creature took a slap and his head reverberated goody vibrations like the man with two brianswilson,a legend in the psychiatric trade. ileft never wishing to partake in elephat traing again, now in experience of their wimpish demeanor against unsurmountable odds. as every school child knows the gypos are despised every town, why? because they are theives whose odour would knock a buzzard offa shit cart and they would selll their childs brain for a lumpy piece of milk, (or so the school child says). I retreated back to the clan and we made our way to Gribs Brataih, as i said Edwyn was close. th e trek to the scotcish border was loaded with snares and branches an assault on which would have been foolhardy had it not been for my guide, a stout girl by the name of Senior Sally Tosis, a swedish lass who gained a degree of infamy a few years later with a case of britch tickling that she claimed had caused serious spasms, who knows? by this time i was dead but that had yet to happen i was still very alive. |
| MonkeY: i mean, look at all this bullshit ive written down here. Clearly a waste of everyones time and money and eyes. i really am such a twat. |
| MonkeY: i am a twat. |
| MonkeY: last nite whilst i was walking through the bin area round the back of Asda i came across Hermin the tramp, or Herman the Tosser as he is known to everyone but himself. He was busy sniffing the last remnants of a crushed Pola Mint from the bit of foil you gt in each packet. he had a glazed look about him and i noticed he had urinated over his leg left, there was a dirty stain on his right leg, dont know what that could of been, maybe jam. |
| AAAGGGHHH!!!: hehe |
| MonkeY: My eyes have flooded through my nose and my ears are running away with my wife. you all are wronged right up to the boz on gin and crack. |
| MonkeY: Wronged right up on boz and fuked to the max on Grants whizz, i need money to feed my addiction. |
| AAAGGGHHH!!!: i will rant chips out of my arse. Yours too. Where is this fucking competion? Im waiting... come ooooonn.. |
| phil sumo simms: im gonna recreate E17 with alan shearer as brian harvey |
| phil simms: my toes are turning into milk bottles full of gin! .....anyway who wants to play army join hands |
| MonkeY: I WILL RANT!!!!!!!!!! I WILL RANT!!!!!!!!!! LET THE FUCKING GIN WRONGED MONKEY RANT!!!!! |
| web: right then kids, if you want a permanant rant column then get in touch! and remember only those with a true passion for gin, glue, wasps and jam need apply - we are also looking for new cam girls as we are so bored with the current selection.
these are my details Patrick Wayne Swayze Born: August 18 1952 in Houston, Texas, USA Has two brothers and one sister (His mother Patsy Swayze is a well known choreographer of among others; Urban Cowboy, Thelma and Louise and Letters from a Killer) Date of Marriage: June 12, 1975 to Lisa Niemi Education: St Rose of Lima Catholic School, Houston. Oak Forest Elementary School Black Junior High Waltrip High School San Jacinto College, Houston. Dance schools and companies: Houston Jazz Ballet Company Harkness Ballet Theater School, New York. Joffrey Ballet Company. Eliot Feld Ballet Company. |
| MonkeY: Stringfellow Hawk as we all know did not play the Chello, it was a broom with string tied to it. HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! I remember once at at christmas i got a half pound of necatrines rammed into my eye socket, fucking FRENCH. I eat from bins. |
| MonkeY: fuck |
| AAAGGGHHH!!!: i was blind, now I can deafen. i was sick, now I am jam. Once all the pain has gone from my head, I would like to wish you all a happy christmas. Unfortuanately I have no gifts, even though Strigfellow Hawk did lend me his Cello. Would you like to see it? I cant because I am blind. |
| MonkeY: The firey wasps beans are flying over hea. You can literally smell the gun-pops, its a truley retina splitting site to see as the soldiers jump to the mole holes filling their kak-kaks with kak. |
| H: THE TIME IS UP, THE POOR LADY HAS BEEN STUNG! LOSERS! IN THIS CASE YOU ARE MERELY OBLIGED TO INFORM THE LADY OF THE SITUATION. I THINK THAT YOU ARE ALL NOT READY FOR Q3. GOODBYE |
| chris: now im just angry |
| brad williams: hey you fucking fuck fuck, need mor thongs and shit so until then fuck you get bent ya fucking shit fuck crap shit fuck |
| gozer the destroyer: the doors crash into the surrounding lintel synchronised seamlessly with the Algerians failed attempt to equalise, 'EDWYN!' '...and to the end they have tried, again the gods have been hard to please...' my Scottish simian, once a companion and comrade/slave and sub-servant, had deserted me, abandoned, why? my feeble mind can but speculate, churning over hours of contentment and those few seconds of chaos, was it the nails driven with love? my mind could not answer honestly, perhaps the shotgun?, i said i dont know. my wife’s comfort was a grudging ally, resentment breeds despair and despair feeds the insatiable cruelty with a big spoon, i became a twisted master, her attempts, although industrial and inventive (exploring avenues that even edwyn would shy away from), to reduce my suffering all, without exception, failed. I would drive those splinters of steel harder, faster, bigger but her physical duress soothed me not a jot, the cool of the metal once excited my fingers but now my numbness made me dribble like the man, the man whose dentist does not remove his cotton woll, dribble. i realised that my wife, Spindle, was a dear friend but that her cries did little to entertain me, i needed my Glaswegian monkey back, that hairy drunk was wholly my joy. i disguised myself with curtains and pegs, weeds such as dandelions and cheese to take on the guise of julius ceasar, everyone who took notice of my form commented on the dapper cut of my figure, i have always been proud of my profile my only heritage, save the sixteen and half a million granddaddy made on the soaring rise of mousetrap stocks during the great mouse epidemic of new england in 1836, but that is a tale i will return to. i persuaded gypsies to let me travel the world with them on the proviso that i would not seduce any of the lamas they were protecting for hallabahama, an ancient rite dating to the carpathian romanians of the time of the vlads and all their pailing imps. I agreed to their request, knowing full well that they could not not make a slip at sometime, my patience is a monstrous beasst, on our arrival to the greatest isles of britain my hearts tempo became that of a samba band(quite exciting but not crazy yet) i knew it would not be long before my dearest Edwyn would be in my gaze,comforting my clutches.......... |
| disabled lesbian cyborg: biscuits?.. |
| MonkeY: It was a summers day. Jeff was in his garage enjoying his favourtite past time of sticking pins in his eyes. The sun was shining and the moon was too. Little Dan, Jeff illigitimate love child, was in the garden firing off some rounds at a passing bus full of O.A.Ps on a day trip to Cleethorpes. He was espicially excited as he had just managed to blow away two rather disturbing old women to the rear of the bus with one shot. I like that he thought, and chuckled to himself...... |
| MonkeY: FUCKING BLUE BRINE IN A HENS OLD CRUTCH SNAPPY SNAPPY SNAP..... WHEN YOU FIELD THE ANGRY GOLBLIN, FUCKING PIMPS VEST SHOTTY SHOTTY BANG BANG OW MR COPPER WATCH THE BANGY BANGY bangy bang..... IF THE LID OF REDS JUICE TILL MIKLEMUSS RUNS THE OVER CHIPPING FRIED COD THEN FUCK THE EVIL. |
| big mo fo: Due teabag laserblast sharkgod? |
| disabled lesbian cyborg: SIMPLE, you just remove the ladys face from her head and place it in convenience. force wasp with clock TICK..TOCK, Q3 ?.. |
| H: THE CLOCK HAS RUN OUT, THE BABY HAS BEEN STUNG AND NON OF YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS COCK SNIFFERS GOT THE ANSWER. YOU SHOULD DAUB ONESELF IN JAM TO LURE THE WASPS AWAY FROM THE BABY. Q2 WHAT HAPPENS IF A WASP LANDS ON A LADYS FACE? TICK TOCK... |
| tatou696: i need girls to talk to me send me an email |
| little johnny rotten crotch: Crazy mum adopted me when i was seven. i remember it well. Actually, no i pissin dont |
| MonkeY: Checking the car i found the wheels all wronged up. Normally i get my wine from the old man at the tube station, he says i look worse than his dog...this was solved though, i just drew a bottle on a piece of card... |
| gozer the destroyer: gibb damn my ass has run right out of farts and mushrooms, where the hell am i supose to get my gibb damn mushrooms from, they dont just grow on shit yknow, fox! ive forgotten where my hands are my gibb damn hands have gone and got foxig lost! arrgh! ive mispelt my mouth like a broken dogs cock red and juicy! i feel a bit dead a bit gleby? |
| MonkeY: GET THE HELL OUT OFF MY MISERY SOCKS, STOP PULLING IT OVER YOUR STATIC MIND TILL I T CEASES REPLICATING TILL EASTER....bang. |
| MonkeY: THIS IS FUCKING DISGRACFUL. YOUR ALL WELL WRONGED UP ON THE HIGH END OF AN ANTI LORRY TRIBUTE BAND. PLACE YE HEAD IN A PUDDLE AND WAIT FOR SPLASH BANG. |
| GOD OF WASPS: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! |
| GOD OF WASPS: I AM THE GOD OF WASPS. FRANKLY I FIND THE AMOUNT OF WASPISM ON THIS SITE DISTURBING. I COMMAND YOU ALL TO CEASE THIS RELENTLESS DEMONISATION OF MY WASP-PEOPLES, ELSE FIND YOURSELVES ON THE POINTY STICK END OF MY MIGHTY WRATHFUL VENGEANCE! |
| gozer the destroyer: spray the baby spray the baby, you think you got trouble, i got four srubbers in boiler suits trying to shoot me up! She wants me thump gristle! lies lies! |
| H.: QUESTION AND THE CLOCK IS TICKING: What do you do when a wasp is on a babys face...tick-tock... |
| MonkeY: Ive just been staring at this screen for an hour. My eyes are bleeding and my feet have ruptured much like a vikings top hat. PLEASE HELP MEEeeEEEee......... |
| MonkeY: Has anyone noticed the destinct lack of vanilla found in road markings today. DIsgracful. It should banned, or changed to peppermint. |
| MonkeY: PURPLE MONKEYS!!! What rubbish said Mrs Titchmarsh. Everyone knows that monkeys are clearly never purple but off maroon. Speaking of which, eat Les Battersby. |
| gozer the destroyer: my purple monkey has sawn my face off, dogs are eating my clothes as wasps munch jam, the stench of wasp piss has removed my sense of balance and my naked skull is soggy as soap is soggy, where have all the heroes gone? to antwerp. |
| CRUMBLE FISH HATS: OH MY GOD MY GOD DAMN EYES JUST FELL OUT TAKING OUT MY SHIN AND LIVER. HAS ANYONE GOT ANY NAPALM? |
| milky toe rag: hahaha.. god I love munching up biscuits and spitting the crumbs at yer ass... |
| MonkeY: no, i take that back and spit at your edam. |
| MonkeY: Combining hte finesse of Michael knight with the actual parlour antics of Jeff Goldblume one can only assume that the angle is far greater than 4 degrees. |
| bretaharley: grrrrrr! waspity doo-dah. I have to say that i do not appreciate this level of degradation. We need more spam felching and goiter loitering. |
| WASP LOR!!!: HAS ANYONE BEEN TO PORTUGAL RECENTLY? THEY HAVE A VERY LOW CALIBER OF WASP..... piss...... |
| CHRISTOPHER BRITTTTTIN ( see my eye socket ): Sometimes, late at nite, i see mice moving. Mice, everywhere......i stab them in their left eye with a bic pen. i like bic pens. hello. |
| THE SCRIMP: MY FUCKING INDUSTRIAL BATTER HAS IMPLODED. REMOVE THEM FROM MY ROOM!!!! |
| Osama bin Laden: i am scared, i have lost my chinchilla, i think mr bush has stolen it |
| dave: i have a loose sphincter |
| masked one: please spank me |
| the masked one: the level of censorship is fucking amazing here. what freedom do you actually represent here? all i can see is kids playing with their toys |
| fred: i have a BIG spot on my ass has anyone got a solution |
| jeffrey archer: my batty hurts, can i leave now? |
| .: this site sucks cocks for rocks |
| Cock Talbot: You know what? I dont know what is happening. I believe it has something to with oxygen deprivation. |
| Doctor Nick: Boy, someone must have real bad carpal tunnel syndrome right now! |
| to pronounce it correctly i would have to rip out: ur superior intallect is no match for our puney weopons ( i like pretty girlz ) cheeze (i am king of pretty girlz) im drunk.............. |
| cheesy dick: someone shoved a flame-thrower up my ass |
| Zion: Ive planted a bomb in all of your houses!!! |
| Lionel Richie: Bla Bla. Just point me to the goats gallery? |
| One of the dumb retards who run this site: I would like to explain to Apathy and others the purpose of the crazymum site. Think of it as an online-cult, that people turn to for spiritual guidance and pictures of goats. Its what Jesus would look like, if he were made from asp pages. Remember - you cant take the craziness out of my mum and you cant climb a ladder with a crackpipe in each hand! Peace. |
| disabled lesbian cyborg: would anyone like to see my sponge paintings ? if so contact me on piers.pettman@clara.net with all your requests and tips. I only use fuckin sponges too, u bag of cunts...... |
| Apathy: j00 s00k |
| God: would any one else care to join me in a flame war with Apathy (macktruck29@hotmail.com). Most of my abuse so far has revolved around him fucking goats! |
| Apathy: wow i made the mistake of putting one of MY email addresses in there |
| Apathy: so uh... wut kind of site is this? porn? rant? dumb random retard making a webpage? ..... someone get back to me on that plz |
| Baron von Thrax qualcast rotary sprintmaster III: Incidentally, I would like to thank Frazer as due to this site I have begun a wonderful and sexually rewarding relationship with Peter Mandelson. i thank you |
| Baron von Thrax qualcast rotary sprintmaster III: I love the pics of the woman with that dog, and the horse. wow, fantas....shit, wrong site |
| disabled lesbian cyborg: penguins in warehouses, i told her this would happen BANG BANG !!!! me make hard sex hurt your head |
| The Duke of Rutland: where is my manservant when i need someone to do up my trousers |
| ut13: your site is very cool now go see this one www.ut13.net |
| Puckered Star: this site is shit |
| robes and hoods: I dreamed that I was in a large room and there was mist all around. as if the dew was on the ground and it was cold and the mist was rising from the floor as if it were the ground. All around were people in robes and hoods. I could see their eyes in the darkness and they were as if they on fire .As they walked around the room there came a strange type of music. not music really just a strange sound that emitted from the walls. I tried to wake up. I did not like this dream. |
| peter madelson: I like young boys, I find that your internet site does not have enough pictures of young boys at the key stages of the sexual development. I think that myself and others with a rich fondness for this subject matter would find this resource extremely usefull |
| dandy: i requested that my suit be ready for me to collect at 9am sunday morning, and much to my ever growing disapointment with your company, it was not ready |
| Ben: I was promised £800+ to sell Heroin 2 skool children!!!!!! |
| Andyroopoo: I love u all u whores |
| dave: I like mice they are nice... |
| claire: and when i next see anne robinson im just like gonna b sick in her armpit!!! |
| Bec: I wanna rip off your head and shit down your kneck! |
| louise evans: I am the biggest slut known to any living creature. in a word....... |
| BLAH RAH: cAKE MIXER |
| Paul Daniels: Somebody is going to court for this! |
| jimbob: now my lockjaw is much worse |
| Floella Benjamin: This site is the biggest load of shit I have ever seen! |